Changed

Something in my face has changed

It’s subtle but it’s there

A new line or break

Overwhelming of contentment

Behind my eyes

Etched upon my forehead.

The actual switch

I don’t know when it occurred

Could it have been the moment

In which I took my vows

Or the one where I saw your face

--It doesn’t really matter

From that single moment

My life has changed for good.

Two Years to the Day

Two years to the day

When I first saw your smile

Light up your eyes

When you looked at me.

It will be two years to the day

From the time that I first

Looked to you standing there

Waiting to meet me face to face.

Two years to the day

When I first heard you sing

To something more

Than just a melodious tune

But allowing a window to your soul.

Two years to the day

When I first laughed at you

For not connecting one to two

But you joined along with me

Knowing how foolish it was.

And now, two years to the day

I will give you my hand

For all the world to see

And never remove it

Because now two years to the day

I know that I can never live without you.

Wishes

Should be feeling elated

Now I’m worried that about things

I cannot control

And feeling dismayed

At the possibilities that may unfold.

I wish I had the answers

Wish I knew the correct

Way in which to change things

But I have to see that I can’t

Control what actions are not my own.

I know the feeling will fade

And that all will come to pass

That is meant to be

I cannot worry about the ‘what ifs’

Or what even the ‘maybes’ hold

But it’s not fair

In so many ways

I wish things were different

But they aren’t

They aren’t and won’t be

In so many ways

But I can still wish

There’s nothing wrong with that

I wish…

But I’d only be fooling myself.

Moments in Our Amazing Journey

I knew when you asked

That I wanted more than anything

To be your wife

And I knew that I was ready

To marry you

From the moment that

Losing you was the worst thing

I ever thought could happen to me

I knew from the moment

I looked into your eyes

For the very first time,

That there was something

Extraordinary behind them.

Each day we get closer

To exchanging our vows

Becoming husband and wife

I remember the moments

That we have shared

And how they are just a glimpse

Of the beautiful life together

That is yet to come

It’s something I can’t wait for

From this moment to the next

I find myself dreaming

Of our future together

And the amazing journey

Yet to come.

Alone

I want to feel wanted

Perhaps it’s something inside

A deep unlocked yearning

Because I feel so vulnerable right now

So exposed and overly naked

Emotionally

I have a need to feel close

To be close

To want to feel like I’m not alone

Because right now

That’s how I feel

All alone…

Shoulder My Own

I don't want who I am
Or my lack of abilities
To rest upon anyones shoulders
But my own
Because they are mine to bear
And mine alone.
I will not be a burden
I cannot do that
It's not who I am
And who I shall never be
But I fear as though
I am becoming one
With each passing day
And it breaks my heart...
I should be able
To shoulder my own weight.

It Was Always There

If the feeling that I lost you wasn't enough
I can't remember a time when
I have ever felt as though the world was dead
And I didn't want to be a part of it.
Knowing the truth, for what it really is
Made all the more sense regardless of stupidity.
We are all who we are, imperfect and insecure
But when you have found that stronghold
You cling to it because it is yours alone
To hold on to forever...
I thought I lost my stronghold
I thought I lost my life and reason for breathing
But apparently it was there
Just picking up a few broken shards of my heart
Trying to put them back together again
And give them back to me.

Shattered And Broken

I can't sleep
I feel so broken
Like everything is wrong
And it's all my fault
If I had been better
If I had been more
Perhaps I wouldn't have done anything
Maybe these tears would end
And I could sleep
But I feel so empty
I've never felt this way before
I feel like I've lost my heart
And without it
I don't want to live
I don't want to do anything
Perhaps if I lie in bed
Sleep may come
But I don't deserve it
I don't deserve anything right now
I am an idiot
A wicked person
Who deserves nothing
I don't want forgiveness
I want you back
I want this hole inside gone
And I'm not sure
If I've done too much
Or if you even want me any more
I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here waiting
You aren't even awake
You don't even have any idea
How much inside I'm breaking
How much I wish I could take it all back
How I just want to lie next to you
And hear you say that we're okay
But I won't get that
I don't deserve that
I don't deserve you
I don't deserve anything anymore
Apparently
I've done irreparable damage
And I can't fix it
I don't know how
I wish you were there
I want you to know
That you have my heart
You are my heart
And I don't want to lose you
Even though
I think I already have.
The tears won't stop
They won't stop for anything
I can't close my eyes
All I see is pain
All I see is the empty bed
That is next to me
And wonder if you will
Ever want to occupy it again with me
What can I do but sit here
And wait to hear from you
But I'm so broken
That I don't know
What to do right now
I'm so broken,
My heart is shattered into pieces
And it's all my fault.

I Love You @webkenny

I hope you know
Just how much I love you
So much that if I had to
I could let you go
Though it would break my heart
Because I always want what's best
For you and you always
That's how much you mean
That's how big of a part of my heart
That you have become.

Sitting here in tears
Contemplating the future
I can't understand the moments
Which seemed so small before
All the reassurances
That you gave me
In each passing moment
That I never really saw.

I know that you won't leave or stray
But I feel better when you're here
I've been so lost before
And I didn't find my heart
Until you picked it up
And gave it back to me
Repaired and new
Not knowing just how much
That it would love you
And beat for you forever.

I know I have my worries
I know I have my faults
There's so much more I wish
That I could be for you
There's so much more
I want to give to you
But with me
You can have everything you want
You can have whatever
I just want you
Here and now
With me forever.

I hope you know
Just how much I love you
That those words are not just words
They mean the world to me
And I never say them
When I don't mean them
I would waste a thousand tears
If I ever said them
Without true meaning behind them,
I love you
And I mean it, more than you know.

I Need You Because I'm Scared

I love so deeply
Part of me is scared how much
I've never delved this deep before
Never felt this way before
Something scares me
It's just around the corner
I don't know what to do
I know what I want
To feel safe
And to be one forever.
It seems so far away
And yet so close
I know who I am
But this is all new to me
And confusing me
My heart is so ready
But my head rationalizes too much
I feel broken
I want to be fixed
I don't know how though
What will make this right?
What will make me right again?

I miss you so much
You have no idea
What it's been like since you're not here
I can't seem to find the words
To tell you what I want to say
Can't find the moment
To tell you how much
That I want you to be there
Walking beside me
Telling me that I'm doing the right thing
You always seemed to know
But I don't know what to do anymore
I'm not right
You're missing
And I can't replace the hole you left
Perhaps I've tried too hard.

And now this time comes
When I need your arm the most
To give me away to the one I love
And you aren't here to do so
Something about that
Isn't right to me
Because I feel unsteady
I've always been able to walk
On my own two feet
But I feel as though
There is no one to lean on
Besides the one whom I will spend my life
And I can't depend all on him
Please,
Where are you?
I need you now more than ever
Not just your face
Smiling in my memory.
Please show me how to feel
Better than I am right now
Because I'm scared
For far too many reasons.

Unititled

Love is like invisible ink
It leaves it's mark
You know it's there
But can't always see it

Repairing Your Sight

You tear me apart bit by bit

The words you say are like a knife to my heart

Even though you don’t know it

But you do, with every painful memory

That you hold on to like a security blanket.

If I could make you see

Remove the darkness from your eyes

I could show you so much more

But I know that you don’t want to see

You are afraid of what is there

Afraid that your world

Will be shattered in a moment

By the reality which surrounds you.

I cannot repair the broken mirror

In which you view your true self

I cannot repair you

But you are not beyond repair

You are more than you know

If you could only see

But you have to remove

The blindfold yourself.

A Writers Soul

Writing is part of who I am
It is engraved upon my heart
Like words on a tomb
Etched upon my soul
In ways that can never be erased.
I am a slave to the words
My heart is controlled
By every stroke of the pen
And I do not wish to contain it
Even if I tried,
I wouldn't be able to.
This deep seated part of my soul
Yearns to come out into the light
And beam like rays of sunlight
It is my light in the darkest hours
And the joy
That allows me to soar up high.
To be what I am
Is nothing more than natural
The words are natural
The words are part of who I am
And my soul bears all
Through each letter I share.