Lost in Gray Decisions

Limbo-ing emotionful

Trying to find a reason

Looking for that moment

Can’t quite locate it yet

Lost in my reflection

Cast in my heart

Disrupted by my thoughts

And broken with distance

I don’t understand . . .

What does this mean?

What does anything mean?

I’ve lost the place in my chapter

Can’t remember the place

But it’s turning and changing

I don’t know where to go

Do I start over?

Or do I begin a new chapter

Hoping I’ve not read it before?

It doesn’t probably doesn’t make sense

It doesn’t make sense to me.

Wondering of need versus necessity

Feeling slightly trapped in limbo

Don’t know where to turn exactly

There are no right choices

It’s all gray – not black and white

I like solids but this seems intangible

I have to make a choice

One that seems hard to make

But it must be made.

Take a Moment

Take a moment to understand
Spread your chest and breathe in
Take a moment to reflect
Calm your mind and relax your heart
What you know is true
What you are is the same
Nothing has changed
You're going to fast
You're going to hard
Remember to take the moments
One at a time
Each one is different
Each one changes
You can't control everything
And you can't change
What you can't control
So let it go
It's okay
Take a moment to breathe
Take a moment for you.

Be still with who you are
Change for no one
And if you must change
Do it only for yourself
Strive for peace
Strive for contentment within
And all will be well
Live in the present
Not in the future
Especially not in the past
You can't change it
So you can't live there
You have the power of now
Utilize it
That is your control
That is your empowerment
Seize it
And remember to take the moments
Remember to take care
To take care of you.

No Changing Me

Who I am
Is none of your concern
You can't change it
You can't break me
I've been broken before
But only by myself
I choose when to be broken
You can't contemplate my will
Or even fathom who I am
I don't have to explain it
You will never understand
But you don't have to.
I can't change for anyone
Even if I wanted to
My heart doesn't work that way
My mind doesn't either
What you want,
Is impossible for me
Yes people can change
But I choose not to fulfill
Friviously requested change
I don't have to please anyone
I just have to be myself.
If you don't like it
That's okay
You don't have to
I will be who I am
No matter what
Because I can't be anyone else.

Standing Up Straight

I can't stand up straight
Even if I wanted to
I wanted to run
But the place I needed wasn't there
I've been thinking, missing, re-living
Moments that I can't forget
Moments that I've needed
Moments that should have been.
There are times when I've needed you
And you can't be there
Because you aren't here.
I need that push
That little extra word
You always knew.
I get scared sometimes
That I will forget your voice
Forget all that I am,
All that you told me I once was.
I don't know how to stop
I know that I do have to
Because it's tearing me apart
I need to be laid bare
Letting cool water flow over my soul
And wash away all the pain and blemishes
But I don't know how
I can't remember any more
I need a guiding hand
Need a firm footing to hold to
It's always been myself
That's what you used to say
But I don't trust myself anymore
I need to stand,
But I'm unable to.
Maybe standing somewhat
Is just as important as
Standing up straight.

With me

Be honest with me

That’s all I ask

Be open with me

That’s all I want

Share your heart with my

That’s all I desire

Love me unconditionally

For that’s how I love you

Promise yourself to me

And I will ask no more

Trust

Body trembled, head to toe
Heart feeling violated
Feeling like nothing --- worthless
Like losing the one I cherish most
In only a mere moment.
Mind racing
Trust bruised
It's wrong, it's just all wrong
Trust is comes down to
I'll hold that always with my heart
What else can I do?
I've given my heart away...

Head vs. Heart

I’d really like to say that there is no lingering doubts

But I’d be lying and I can’t lie

I do trust, I do no nothing would happen

I just can’t shake the feeling

I can’t shake it inside of me

It’s a lingering insecurity

I trust the words you say

I have to, what choice do I have?

I can’t live here

I won’t live here

I’m just a little scared

A little frightened of pain

Okay, that’s a lie

Very frightened of the pain

So I will trust

I will sweep it under the rug

Just because I will trust you

Doesn’t mean that I trust him.

So there it is

Out in the open

Out on wounded heart

I don’t care what you think

This is tough for me

And I’m just trying to sort through myself

My head and my heart don’t communicate well.

Contemplation of Vows

I trust you completely

With my soul, with my heart,

Until the day I breathe my last

I will always be faithful to you

Heart and body

And as I think to write my vows

I wonder what words could say

How much I love you.

How can words say so little

When the depth and breadth of my soul

Brims with joy and love

At the sound of your name?

How can I express

What words I have inside

Words that have no syllables or sound?

I am at a loss for words…

But one thing I will never be at a loss of

Is my love for you.

Be careful, it’s strong and fragile

But always yours to do with as you please

You always take it with you

My heart, my love, my trust

All I have to give you

Until ‘death do us part’.