Normal Again

All I want is to feel normal again
To have this pain go away
Heal and feel like I once did
Why does that seem so hard?
Is it too much to ask?
My body is weak and my mind
Doesn't seem to function right
My heart is heavy because of bodily pain
I just wish it were over...
I know healing is a journey
It isn't a straight line
But why then does it seem so long and hard?
Why can't I just be normal again
Is there some pain I caused
That would cause me to feel this badly
What did I do to deserve this?
I have more questions than answers
Time will tell where things go
But for now, I hate where I am
And all I want to do is get better
All I want to feel is normal again...

Sheltering You

I don't want you to see my pain
But I don't want to be cold and distant
I have to get through this hurdle
I know I can't do it alone
But you have enough on your shoulders
Without me adding an extra burden;
That's the last thing I want to be
Another burden on you.

I will walk in the sunshine
When it feels right again
Right now, I need the peace of twilight
To make my soul feel sheltered
It's no reflection on you
I don't want you to know the pain
I'm just trying to spare you
Because I love you more than anything.

Step by step, hopefully forward
Things will get better
And this too shall pass
A smile will brighten my face once again
I have joy and happiness inside
It's just dampened right now
More than anything I just want you to know
That this is just a temporary dark spot.

To Be Your Everything

What can I do to be more
To be more than I am
Filling your every need
And being your everything?
Can I be all you need
For all time?
Show me how, show me the way
And I will do all I can
To be your everything.
I want to hold you in my heart forever
I promise to love you with all that I am
I just want to be your everything
The moon is nothing without the sun
Even the sky needs a partner through the day
Show me what I can do
To make you shine your brightest
Tell me what you need and I will try
To do my best to be your everything.

Contentment

I must find a place
A place of contentment in the now
A place where I find myself at peace
Not focusing on the future
Taking time to enjoy each moment of now.

I need to find that place where I'm me
Where I don't feel so distant
Locked away from those around me
Guarded and afraid of change
I need to wake from my solemn slumber.

To be content with every glance and word
To find a reason to smile in each moment
To be more than just living
To find a place of contentment
And be better than who I am right now.

Temptation

Sweet delicious watching
Waiting for the moment
Targeting each anticipation
Catching the passing glance
And making desire burn
Wanting but not yet obtaining
A simple game of cat and mouse
But ever so deviously delightful
Enticing...
Building up for a great release
That is just out of reach
But you can taste it on your lips
Feel it inside you
Burning away ever so much
Indeed, you're on the edge...

Lost & Confused

I feel lost
Like I want to curl up into a little ball
Cry my heart out with tears that won't end
Run away from the world
And hide somewhere safe
To feel like me again
Rather than this jumbled mess I've become
I don't know where I'm going
I've lost the place
Confused and tired, I don't know...
Where do I turn? What do I do?
My heart feels brittle like old paper
My head spins with thoughts unwarranted
I don't know where I am
But lost and confused
Along a road I am unfamiliar with...

Loving Deeply

Having never loved so deeply before
Sometimes it scares me
Sometimes I wonder if it is too good to be true
Contemplating love and trust
Being open and completely vulnerable...
Does it scare me?
Yes...
But it's time to embrace what is to come
With open arms and an open heart
One step at a time
Living moment by moment
Rather than in the past
Or with any second thoughts...
I will entertain them no more.

Lost Your Hold

Caught off guard and suddenly
You're playing my heart like a piano
Hitting every sharp note
Playing on every fear
Because you know me all too well,
You know where I'm vulnerable
Where to make it hurt the most
Where to cut the deepest...

You thought you had a hold
But I've moved on
I'm more than I was before
It may bother me for a moment
But unlike you think
It won't bother me for a lifetime
Bring on that knife you pose as words
My skin is thicker than it once was
I'm not as fragile as before.

I've been through hell and back
I survived
I can't say the same for you
Nor do I really care
Maybe realizing that I didn't care
Hurt you too much, cut too deep
All I can say to that --
Too bad, I don't care anymore.

Snake

To say that you're a chameleon would be flattery
You can't fool everyone, you don't fool me
I see past that fake exterior
I can see straight through the lies, the fake smiles, the warmness
Cold blooded as a snake, cunning like the viper
You wait to turn and strike the awaiting innocent
Watch out for my heel, it is not my fatal flaw
I've perfected all the insecurities you once knew of me
Be wary of my anger, it brews in silence and teeters on the edge
I will not hold it at bay when provoked
Let me give you an metaphor to dwell on
The eagle and the snake...
Be wary of your actions, be very keen
I will only have to strike once to end it all.

Miss You, Words Can't Say How Much

I want to lie next to you
But you aren't here
To feel the warmth of your breath
On my back and feel safe
But you're a million miles away
I can't tell you how much
That I miss you
Words can't express the thing
That's missing from inside my heart

I miss you
Words can't say how much
But for every mile,
My heart feels weaker
And every moment
My breath a little more shallow
I hate being away,
Not having you near
To hold me and kiss me good night

Hollow Butterfly

With each breath
She dies a little more
Her heart begins to darken
Her eyes lose all the light
She's dying slowly
But she doesn't know it
She's dying slowly
She doesn't realize she shows it

Her face is a beautiful
Elaborate woven mask
Of confidence and grace
Her heart is a broken glass
Pouring out sorrow and pain
Looking in the mirror
She doesn't know what she sees
She wonders what is real anymore
And doesn't know where to turn

To see the light inside her die
Is like seeing a butterflies wings
Torn from it's body
Like a baby bird
Who will never learn to fly
It pains me to see her die inside
Over and over again
A fragment more each moment
Dear butterfly
I will never clip your wings
No one else can unless you let them