Before You Wake

Before you wake up in the morning
I want you to know that I didn't miss
The tenderness in your voice as you left
Or the thoughtfulness you showed
By just doing the little things
Like forks...
It's good for you to have a break
Some freedom from this undertaking
But I know you don't see it that way.
Know that I will always be okay
Always be safe and careful
Loving you from wherever I am
To wherever you are
And that that will never change.
I never knew how lost without you
I could ever be
But I do now
But it's okay -
I know where your heart calls home...

Words

Some words should not have titles
They should remain unspoken
But whom am I to say
I breathe with my words
They are all I have...
Because no one seems to understand
Feelings which I can express:

Yes I am in pain
No it isn't you
I'm scared of what's to come
Scared of what is true
I don't know how to speak
Or tell you what I feel
I'm not sure I even know
I am at a loss for what is next
I'm scared of losing you

True Reflections

Never a smile
Always a curt
Straight mouthed sign
Of disappointed bitterness.
I hope you see the mirror
The glass you've so often
Tried to shatter with your coldness
Because it still reflects the truth
As it always will
That deep inside
You are hollow
You care for naught
And all things are clear
Because your own mask
Can't even hide
The empty soul
That resides within.

Mr. Amazing

Who knew that one could ride in

With roses in hand

And make my heart stop for a moment

To make the day a bit brighter

And make the fear pass away

Like a distant memory…

You truly are Mr. Amazing

The one who stole my heart

And keeps it safe next to your own

You’ll never see just who you are to me

Never know how much

I adore the moments when you’re near

And in so many ways

I can’t believe you’re mine

I don’t know what I would be

Without you in my life.

Shattered Bonds

If telling the truth
Means breaking bonds
That were meant to last a lifetime
Then the concept and trueness of love
Never existed in the first place.
If words can mean so little
Was there anything to salvage
From the start of this journey
Perhaps I was mistaken
In my idea of family
And what it should be truly
Perhaps I was naive enough
To think that sharing my feelings
Would actually have made it different
But deep inside I knew
There was no bond to save
No relationship worth rescuing
And thus we part ways
On two separate paths
When only one was intended.
I will not take back my words
Nor will I sacrifice my stance
Because for once
I know I'm right and just
And your footing is in the sand
And just so, it falters beneath your feet
Just as does your misconception
Of love and family
Two ideas that you construe
To suit your own needs
Rather than embracing them
For the beautiful things they really are.

Final Goodbye

I'm done with all the drama
The manipulation and crocodile tears
Finished with being put last
And never thought of as important.
I will not concede my stand
I'm through with trying to please
Because I finally know in every way
That it will never be enough for you.
What you've tried to ruin
I will salvage with my own bare hands
And what you've lost
Is more than you could ever fathom.
You made this choice, chose this path
And I will not stop you
I have turned my back to you
And if you want anything more
You can always ask
But I daresay that you will ever receive.
So bring yourself to this conclusion;
You have lost everything and more
I will have nothing more to do with you
I've written you off for now and always
It's time for you to know
The true meaning of the word goodbye.

(Untitled)

I couldn’t tell you if you asked

What I miss the most when you’re not here

It could be the smell of you after a long day

The softness of your hair beneath my hand

Or even the depth I see in your brown eyes

Each and every one of these things

I hold dear to me when you’re gone.

It’s the familiar that I miss the most

Of having you physically present

Just near enough to me so that I feel complete

Feel safe and like the world is right.

Each and every thing I fell in love with about you

I miss more and more each time you’re gone

This bond between us is deep and substantial

It’s almost surreal how wonderful it is

I can’t believe I’m so blessed to have you

And you can’t understand the depth my love for you

How much I miss you when you’re not here

And how much I truly do need you

As a part of my life.

Cherishing Your Memory

Time goes by and the leaves fall
Summer to autumn to winter
The frost begins and slowly conquers
A harvested feild before it's blanketed by snow.
There's something in the air that makes me
Miss you just a little bit more
Perhaps it's the thought of halloween bonfires
And trying to find one more trip
Out on the cooling waters of the lakes
But there's something there that makes me think
About all the time we spent together
And the moment that I will always miss.
I know you are there always, guiding me
And that I have never stopped loving you nor you me
But I think of what it would have been like
Had you not been stolen away from me so early
About seeing your grandchildren
And showing them the wonderful and kind
Gentle giant of a man that you were.
I keep you close to my heart in this season
The season of warm family and friends
Of parties and holiday celebrations
Because even though you aren't physically here
I know that you are always with me
Because you are a part of me
And I cherish your memory within my heart.
Know that you are loved and missed
More than words could ever express
And I know one thing more,
That in time, I will see you once again
And without wishing my life away
I look forward to that day.

Miss You

It doesn't feel right sitting here alone
Cooking for one is depressing
You have no idea how I long to
Test my head against your chest
And have your arm around me
Making me safe and warm.
Being apart makes me realize the depth
Of this eternal bond that we share.
My heart no longer beats as my own
But rather in sync with yours
And you are all I need with me.
Forget the comforts and luxuries
All I need is to be close to you
And that's all I ever will.
I think about your smile
And how our children will one day
Bear your same qualities that I adore
All the things that I see coming for us
Make me realize how much
We have in one another.
But without you here to share these thoughts,
I hold them in my heart
To make the distance between us
Appear just a little smaller
But I can't wait for you to return.
I shall give you a kiss for every moment
An 'I love you' for each hour
But I owe you so much more
For making me whole
And bringing light back into my heart.

Autumn

The smell of leaves
Decaying and crumbling on the ground
An intoxicating aroma
Filling every sense of myself
And turning me into an addict of the fall.
Scents of warm spices and warm drinks
Shared with friends and family
Bundled up in light jackets
Surrounded by the soft glow of candles
Lighting pumpkins with strewn faces
And cornucopias of plenty.
Horse drawn wagons filled with straw
Being pulled across darkened apple orchards
This is what fall is about
The moments of time
Surrounded in bold colors and warm glows
Of sun gleaming through trees
Shedding the leaves of growth
To make a blanket for the upcoming snow
And shelter the earth from the bitter winter
This is the season
This is the time of year
For hearts to glow and warm the soul
An amazing reflection of the days gone by
And the warmness of the days
Which are to come.

How Deep My Love

My love,
Do you see
How your doe eyes
Light up my smile
Make my fear melt
And are all
I ever want to see
For the rest
Of my life...
I don't think you know
Just how handsome
You really are
And how my love
For who you are
Inside and out
Will never ever fade
I love you
Is never enough
I will show you
Forever
Just how deep
You are
A part of my soul.

Promise Me

Promise me that your eyes will never wander
Your heart will never stray
That you will always be my cherished one
Loyal to our lives together and our commitment for forever.
Think of no one else as you would of me
I've given you my all
Just as it was meant to be.
In you I've found part of my soul
My life is whole and complete
I never want to lose this feeling of being whole
Bonded in ways I never assumed were possible
This is not to say I'm scared
Merely quite the thought
That I've given everything away
To be your one and only.
I do not need the world
Nor diamonds and roses received
Just promise me you'll always be
Just the one for me,
Loyal and true
And I promise that I'm yours until
The very last breath I have
Always and forever.
Just promise me you
And that's all I will ever need.

Lingering Thoughts

I don't know why it lingers
But there's still something there in the back of my head
This fear shouldn't be there
With the time that's passed
With the decisions I've conciously made
But age old fears are long to die
Making my mind run away with me
Thinking thoughts I wish were dead
But there they are, lingering
Swirlling around in my head.

Finished

I could have been better
I could have been more
Had you not decided to quell me
Had you not chosen to take my dreams
I could have soared among the clouds
I could have but I didn't
My visions were made dim
Things were lost that I can never regain
But it's partly my fault too
Because I allowed it
When I never should have.

Things are different now
Though you don't see the tide has changed
You don't see the new birth
What blindness there is in your eyes
Blinded by anger and selfishness
You stumble through life
With no concept of others
Only of yourself
Play the pity party one last time
Because that's all that
You are going to get from me
One last word
One last moment in which you can speak
Before I silence everything.

Cutting the false bond
Never felt so right before
Not like it does now
It was long overdue
But came just at the right moment
It's time for you to know your place
To choke on words
You once used to hurt
And swallow the poison that you
Fed me all of my life
But here's the catch
This is all your own
It's based in truth
And is even harder to swallow
Like razor blades
And deep inside
I hope it cuts the same.

Running Free

I'm finished with being held down
Being grasped by invisible chains
Bearing down on my potential and future
I've broken free from their iron grip
Begun to stretch my wings
I know in my heart that I remember how to fly
Someone taught me once
And I'm not afraid to do it again
I'm not afraid of falling
Because there's always someone to catch me
I will not let myself be held down
I shall not be captured again
Without my permission
I'm done living with fear in my heart
Done with the pain of thinking 'what-if'
It's time to take the plunge
To do what I know that I can
Time to break free
And run wildly through life
Without any notion of where I'm going
Because now, I'll never be alone

Endless Possibilities

Your hand, resting upon mine in the darkness of the bedroom
Warm and soft - makes me feel like I am safe
I know that I am home when I can hear you breathe
And watch the rise and fall of your chest in the soft light
Filtering through the windows and dusting across the covers
I never realized there would be more than before
The depth of the bond that was created when I gave you everything
I never realized that this is where I would always want to be
And that it is simply not a temporary feeling.
Next to you, I feel is just where I belong
It has become my place in this world and feels right
I've taken on a new role as a wife, a partner and a lover
In ways and depths that I never thought were even possible.
It makes me wonder of the things that are to come
And the ways that my life will change
The moments that we'll share as husband and wife
As father and mother, as even more than that
There are endless possibilities to what we have
And I will keep them and hold them close to my heart
Each and every one, even though my thoughts
Cannot encompass them all.

Strangers

We are strangers, you and I
Supposed to share a bond deeper than love
We walk this world as strangers
I've been given more by those who once were strangers
Treated better by an unknown person on the street
When I am supposed to feel this connection to you
And call you a name which is held for those dear
I cannot fathom giving that to you or sharing it with you
You do not even know me, what's important to me
You have no idea what goes on in my daily life
Or even care to see what goes on under the surface
You hide behind your selfishness so as not to expose
The empty windows of your soul
The broken panes of glass that have been shattered by bitterness
And swept away with anger
I do no know you, I do not care to anymore
I gave you everything you asked
You are a stranger to me and that's all you'll ever be
And even that - is more than you deserve.

For @hidingout2

Getting thinner, going stronger, going harder
More than what you thought you could
More than you ever knew that you would have to
Your heart is on your sleeve
Beating hard and strong for those around you
But you wear yourself thin taking care of everyone.
Take a moment and breathe, beautiful:
Know that this is just a passing time
And you will come through - stronger, better
It's a hard weight on your shoulders
Just remember that you are never alone
There is warmth in the sunshine
Just as there is warmth in a stranger's smile
Your beautiful heart beats for everyone you care for
It's big and open, bearing so much burden
Know that you will make it through and you can do this
No matter how many times you think you can't...
Beleive in yourself
More importantly...take care of yourself
Remember to breathe a little each day
Crack a smile when it doesn't seem possible
And savor the little moments of comfort
No matter how briefly they are there
Look into the mirror and see strength and love
A woman whose hands have done only good and cared for the world
See the resolve behind your eyes and know that you can...
It seems like so much upon you right now
But just remember, you are never alone - never.

Band

A small weight with lots of meaning
Always subconciously remembered and ever there
It rests so sofly upon the skin
Shining, glimmering in the light
Much like the amount of importance of what is symbolizes
An ever unbroken circle, never ending
It is a reflection of love and commitment
Of a deep seated bond made from two hearts becoming one
It rests there, ever present as a memorial
To promises and entrustments placed with another
What's behind it matters, what it encircles matters
Everything it symbolizes matters
It is more than just a band, so much more.

The Berth of Commitment - Forever

Just for this moment
I can see why they couldn't explain it
Why there was so much that I was missing
But didn't know how to describe it.
This bond, this love
Has taken hold of all I am
And changed everything for good
In ways that you can only see
With the eyes of maturity
That comes with making the commitment
Of marriage and togetherness.
What does anything else matter?
Two now one, stronger than before
More than before and yet the same heart
I could dance in his eyes forever
Let his laugh linger in my heart
Like a symphony of joy
That's what I plan to do
Forever and always
This is the journey
This is the path
This is our marriage
And I for one, cannot wait
To see what doors will be opened
And what things there are
Yet to come.

Changed

Something in my face has changed

It’s subtle but it’s there

A new line or break

Overwhelming of contentment

Behind my eyes

Etched upon my forehead.

The actual switch

I don’t know when it occurred

Could it have been the moment

In which I took my vows

Or the one where I saw your face

--It doesn’t really matter

From that single moment

My life has changed for good.

Two Years to the Day

Two years to the day

When I first saw your smile

Light up your eyes

When you looked at me.

It will be two years to the day

From the time that I first

Looked to you standing there

Waiting to meet me face to face.

Two years to the day

When I first heard you sing

To something more

Than just a melodious tune

But allowing a window to your soul.

Two years to the day

When I first laughed at you

For not connecting one to two

But you joined along with me

Knowing how foolish it was.

And now, two years to the day

I will give you my hand

For all the world to see

And never remove it

Because now two years to the day

I know that I can never live without you.

Wishes

Should be feeling elated

Now I’m worried that about things

I cannot control

And feeling dismayed

At the possibilities that may unfold.

I wish I had the answers

Wish I knew the correct

Way in which to change things

But I have to see that I can’t

Control what actions are not my own.

I know the feeling will fade

And that all will come to pass

That is meant to be

I cannot worry about the ‘what ifs’

Or what even the ‘maybes’ hold

But it’s not fair

In so many ways

I wish things were different

But they aren’t

They aren’t and won’t be

In so many ways

But I can still wish

There’s nothing wrong with that

I wish…

But I’d only be fooling myself.

Moments in Our Amazing Journey

I knew when you asked

That I wanted more than anything

To be your wife

And I knew that I was ready

To marry you

From the moment that

Losing you was the worst thing

I ever thought could happen to me

I knew from the moment

I looked into your eyes

For the very first time,

That there was something

Extraordinary behind them.

Each day we get closer

To exchanging our vows

Becoming husband and wife

I remember the moments

That we have shared

And how they are just a glimpse

Of the beautiful life together

That is yet to come

It’s something I can’t wait for

From this moment to the next

I find myself dreaming

Of our future together

And the amazing journey

Yet to come.

Alone

I want to feel wanted

Perhaps it’s something inside

A deep unlocked yearning

Because I feel so vulnerable right now

So exposed and overly naked

Emotionally

I have a need to feel close

To be close

To want to feel like I’m not alone

Because right now

That’s how I feel

All alone…

Shoulder My Own

I don't want who I am
Or my lack of abilities
To rest upon anyones shoulders
But my own
Because they are mine to bear
And mine alone.
I will not be a burden
I cannot do that
It's not who I am
And who I shall never be
But I fear as though
I am becoming one
With each passing day
And it breaks my heart...
I should be able
To shoulder my own weight.

It Was Always There

If the feeling that I lost you wasn't enough
I can't remember a time when
I have ever felt as though the world was dead
And I didn't want to be a part of it.
Knowing the truth, for what it really is
Made all the more sense regardless of stupidity.
We are all who we are, imperfect and insecure
But when you have found that stronghold
You cling to it because it is yours alone
To hold on to forever...
I thought I lost my stronghold
I thought I lost my life and reason for breathing
But apparently it was there
Just picking up a few broken shards of my heart
Trying to put them back together again
And give them back to me.

Shattered And Broken

I can't sleep
I feel so broken
Like everything is wrong
And it's all my fault
If I had been better
If I had been more
Perhaps I wouldn't have done anything
Maybe these tears would end
And I could sleep
But I feel so empty
I've never felt this way before
I feel like I've lost my heart
And without it
I don't want to live
I don't want to do anything
Perhaps if I lie in bed
Sleep may come
But I don't deserve it
I don't deserve anything right now
I am an idiot
A wicked person
Who deserves nothing
I don't want forgiveness
I want you back
I want this hole inside gone
And I'm not sure
If I've done too much
Or if you even want me any more
I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here waiting
You aren't even awake
You don't even have any idea
How much inside I'm breaking
How much I wish I could take it all back
How I just want to lie next to you
And hear you say that we're okay
But I won't get that
I don't deserve that
I don't deserve you
I don't deserve anything anymore
Apparently
I've done irreparable damage
And I can't fix it
I don't know how
I wish you were there
I want you to know
That you have my heart
You are my heart
And I don't want to lose you
Even though
I think I already have.
The tears won't stop
They won't stop for anything
I can't close my eyes
All I see is pain
All I see is the empty bed
That is next to me
And wonder if you will
Ever want to occupy it again with me
What can I do but sit here
And wait to hear from you
But I'm so broken
That I don't know
What to do right now
I'm so broken,
My heart is shattered into pieces
And it's all my fault.

I Love You @webkenny

I hope you know
Just how much I love you
So much that if I had to
I could let you go
Though it would break my heart
Because I always want what's best
For you and you always
That's how much you mean
That's how big of a part of my heart
That you have become.

Sitting here in tears
Contemplating the future
I can't understand the moments
Which seemed so small before
All the reassurances
That you gave me
In each passing moment
That I never really saw.

I know that you won't leave or stray
But I feel better when you're here
I've been so lost before
And I didn't find my heart
Until you picked it up
And gave it back to me
Repaired and new
Not knowing just how much
That it would love you
And beat for you forever.

I know I have my worries
I know I have my faults
There's so much more I wish
That I could be for you
There's so much more
I want to give to you
But with me
You can have everything you want
You can have whatever
I just want you
Here and now
With me forever.

I hope you know
Just how much I love you
That those words are not just words
They mean the world to me
And I never say them
When I don't mean them
I would waste a thousand tears
If I ever said them
Without true meaning behind them,
I love you
And I mean it, more than you know.

I Need You Because I'm Scared

I love so deeply
Part of me is scared how much
I've never delved this deep before
Never felt this way before
Something scares me
It's just around the corner
I don't know what to do
I know what I want
To feel safe
And to be one forever.
It seems so far away
And yet so close
I know who I am
But this is all new to me
And confusing me
My heart is so ready
But my head rationalizes too much
I feel broken
I want to be fixed
I don't know how though
What will make this right?
What will make me right again?

I miss you so much
You have no idea
What it's been like since you're not here
I can't seem to find the words
To tell you what I want to say
Can't find the moment
To tell you how much
That I want you to be there
Walking beside me
Telling me that I'm doing the right thing
You always seemed to know
But I don't know what to do anymore
I'm not right
You're missing
And I can't replace the hole you left
Perhaps I've tried too hard.

And now this time comes
When I need your arm the most
To give me away to the one I love
And you aren't here to do so
Something about that
Isn't right to me
Because I feel unsteady
I've always been able to walk
On my own two feet
But I feel as though
There is no one to lean on
Besides the one whom I will spend my life
And I can't depend all on him
Please,
Where are you?
I need you now more than ever
Not just your face
Smiling in my memory.
Please show me how to feel
Better than I am right now
Because I'm scared
For far too many reasons.

Unititled

Love is like invisible ink
It leaves it's mark
You know it's there
But can't always see it

Repairing Your Sight

You tear me apart bit by bit

The words you say are like a knife to my heart

Even though you don’t know it

But you do, with every painful memory

That you hold on to like a security blanket.

If I could make you see

Remove the darkness from your eyes

I could show you so much more

But I know that you don’t want to see

You are afraid of what is there

Afraid that your world

Will be shattered in a moment

By the reality which surrounds you.

I cannot repair the broken mirror

In which you view your true self

I cannot repair you

But you are not beyond repair

You are more than you know

If you could only see

But you have to remove

The blindfold yourself.

A Writers Soul

Writing is part of who I am
It is engraved upon my heart
Like words on a tomb
Etched upon my soul
In ways that can never be erased.
I am a slave to the words
My heart is controlled
By every stroke of the pen
And I do not wish to contain it
Even if I tried,
I wouldn't be able to.
This deep seated part of my soul
Yearns to come out into the light
And beam like rays of sunlight
It is my light in the darkest hours
And the joy
That allows me to soar up high.
To be what I am
Is nothing more than natural
The words are natural
The words are part of who I am
And my soul bears all
Through each letter I share.

The Words Will be There

I don't have words
To tell a blind man
The beauty of a sunset
Over the ocean
All glowing
With pink and orange light
Nor do I have the words
To explain to a weary warrior
The simple joys of love
And life that comes
From throwing down arms
To embrace the peace within.
There are not always word
There is not always a way
To explain the truth
Or the things upon your heart
But there are words
That can uplift and describe
The way life should be
The way that peace should feel
And one day, when needed most
There will be words
For everything
That must be said.

Pain

So tired of fighting
Exhausted of bearing
Each moment with a smile
When my body is screaming
I don't know what to do
Sick of the stabbing
The aching, the burning
Constant waves of pain
Washing down my body
Like hell fire.
Is it too much to ask
To just be able to walk
To be able to sleep
Just be able to live
To just be able to be
Free of this pain?
It brings darkness
Quick temper and shortness
Wears down every nicety...
Wears me down to nothing
I just want to be free.

I Would

If I could bring sunshine to your day
With one simple word or action,
I would do so in a moment.
If I could take your pain
Hold it as my own and save you from it
I would bear it as gladly as a crown.
All your worries and sorrows
I would take upon my own heart
And leave your shoulders bare and light
If I knew it would make you happy.
I would go to the ends of the earth
To assure all your needs are met
I would do all these things for you
Without a second thought.

Void

when you're not near
It feels as though my strength wanes
As if my soul has been ripped in half
And it won't repair until you're here again.
I find myself longing uncontrollably
Just for the touch of your hand and skin
To be near the welcoming warmth of your body
And encompass myself in your arms.
I can't begin to tell you
Just how incomplete I am without you
How much you are a part of my heart
How dependent I am upon you
In more ways than I could ever understand.
Having you away makes the nights long and empty
I'm unable to fill the void left behind
I'm just starting to comprehend
The way that my heart beats in sync with yours.
I cannot wait until you're here again
And the air becomes breathable
The nights become restful again
And this void is filled
Any my world complete once again.

Sweet Lullaby

The desire to lay next to you
With your arms wrapped around me
And holding me close
Overwhelms me right now
To feel the breath in your chest
Rise and fall against my bare back
Knowing that here I am safe and wanted
With eyes slowly closing
And all within me relaxed and soothed
By the mere comfort of your presence
In your arms is where I want to be.
I want to place my hand on your chest
Feel your heart beat beneath my palm
And run my fingers through your chest hair
I want to look into your eyes
As they close and you drift off to sleep
To know that everything is right
And that this is the only place in the world
Where I could ever want to be
And let my eyes close softly
And join you in our sweet sleepy lullaby.

Birthday Wishes for my Father

It's your birthday again
I can't help but wonder
How we would have celebrated this year
You were never a fan of gifts
But spending the day with you
Was all I ever wanted to do
It's still what I want to do now.
Do you age in heaven?
I suppose perhaps that's an earthly thing
I guess I won't understand
Until I see your face again
Know that I still celebrate
Your life in my heart
Because without your life
I wouldn't have my own.
So here's to you
The man who was my first love
And always will be
The one who taught me laughter and love
To the man who reminded me how to live
Happy birthday
To my beloved father
Whom I love and miss
With all of my heart.

Dependent

I feel as though missing you
With all that is within me
Makes me dependent on you
I've never needed anyone before
Never even needed anything this bad
But something about you
Is what draws me in
And in every way
Distance proves to me
That you are my other half
And how can I live
With half of my heart missing?
I guess that does make me
Dependent upon you
In more ways then I wish to be
Perhaps this is what love
Has been teaching me all along,
That I need others
That I need you most of all.

Losing My Muse

Without you here I feel as though
My inspiration has faded and gone with you
Words don't come as easily to me
There's a panging in my heart
That doesn't seem to be quelled
In the emptiness of night
When I need you most.
My words don't flow
To say what I need
I feel as though
They don't exist without you
Losing my muse
Is like losing my pen

To Write & Express...and Lacking Words

There is this uncontrollable urge
Welling within me and compelling me
To write the word upon my heart
Though I feel as though I have none
To sort through all the emotions
All the questions and searching
That lie deep within me
I don't have the words to write
What I need to express outwardly
To put on paper the things
I wish to say aloud
For I am not even sure
That I know them myself.
But seized by this passion
I am at a loss to disobey the commands
That is demands of my mind
Perhaps if only I let my heart connect
And all these feelings break free
I could write the same words
Etched upon my heart and soul
But even so,
I cannot seem to write them
Though everything inside me
Yearns to do so

Dear Sleep

Sometimes you evade me
Like a friend who only comes when in need
You make me anxious when you're lacking
And I find myself chasing after you
As if you are a lost love.
Please come visit me
In the darkness of night
Like a welcome vistor
And don't avoid me like you do.
I need you more than I know
More than most things in the world
I know you're around the corner
If only I could capture you
Write you a love letter
To make you stay and be here
When I need you most...
Dear sleep,
Please hasten your arrival.

Shower

Standing in the shower

Letting the warm water 

Run over my body

Just a few minutes more

Imagining it's your warmth

Against my skin

Holding me close

Covering me like a safety net.

If I can delude myself

For just a few moments

Of the emptiness of this place

Without you here

I'll take it.

In my mind

I can smell your

Freshly showered skin

As I step from my own shower

Half expecting to see you

Towelling off too

As I enter our bedroom

I can almost smell your soap

In the moist air around me

And it makes me feel home again.

Thinking of all the small moments

That I love to share with you

Cuts the loneliness just enough

So that I can bare the empty space

Until I can return to your arms.

Where I Belong

Laying with your arms around me
Holding me close to your chest
Smelling you skin
Listening to your heartbeat
Feeling the heat of your body
Radiate with mine
And feeling content and safe,
This is where I belong.
Knowing that your heart beats
To the rhythm of mine
And the same love flows from it
Reminds me that this is my place
Right by your side, in your arms
This is where I belong
I never want to leave this place
To ever lose this moment
Knowing that this is home to me
Where you are
Is where I always want to be
In this bed
In this moment
In your arms
I am home
Where I belong.

Knowing Good-Bye is Coming

I laid there in your arms
Hot tears streaming down my face
As it hit me
I know good-bye is coming
Not right now but soon
Each moment brings it closer
And I don't want this to end
But I know that it has to.
I couldn't lay any longer
Knowing that I couldn't
Hide the tears much longer
I heard for fall asleep
And stood watching in the door
Listening to the sound of your breathing
The soft snore that lulls me to sleep
And smiled even though
I knew it was just a moment
And I wouldn't have it again
For what seems like an eternity.
Knowing that good-bye is coming
Is the hardest part of you leaving
And the good-bye makes my heart sink
But I know hello
Is just around the corner.

Words

Words are dangerous
They produce thought
They can culminate keen desires
And make them seem more real
Words form thoughts
Thoughts can form actions
Be careful of your words
You can never take them back
You never know where they
Are going to lead you
You never know what door
They may in fact open.
Be careful what you say
Be careful what you think
Straying takes only a moment
Only a thought
And only one movement
To take them to a place
You never wanted them to go.

Crossroads

I’m coming to a place of crossroads

Of decisions that I’m not sure

I ever thought I’d make

This place of choosing catches me off guard

But I will not back down to its challenge.

I cannot go forward

Backwards isn’t an option

Until I make this choice

To do what needs to be done.

The choice between letting go

And speaking my mind

To be open and honest

Versus hiding behind a visage

I have to make this choice

Not for anyone other than myself.

What's Broken?

Where are we?
I just don't know right now
I feel as though you're hiding
Your heart and feelings from me
What is it?
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Everything I tell you
You accuse me of hiding
But here I am
Trying to share
Trying to be open
But I feel locked out
Of your world
I feel like something is broken
And I don't know what it is...

Talk to Me

Trying to feel my way towards you

But your heart seems turned away and cold

Your eyes are distracted

I don’t have your attention

How can I listen and be here

If you won’t talk to me?

Do you know if you’re coming or going

Is there such a weight on your shoulders

That you cannot share with me

In this life that we have?

Are you so distracted that it doesn’t matter?

I don’t know what I can do

To tell you I am here

You always remind me to speak and share

Now I say the turn is yours

Communication goes both ways…

Talk to me

Banish the Night

Sins of the past come to haunt me
Beguiling my senses and thwarting my dreams
I will not let the darkness they bring
Overcast itself above my happiness.
They are not my sins
But they are what I fear the most
Lingering in a dark corner
It's time they were banished
From the shadows of my thoughts.
Breaking free will never be so sweet
As the day dawns when I release myself
From these cancers of the heart
In fact, I know in the depths of me
That the wounds are already healing.

Work In Progress

A work in progress
That is what I am
It is what my life is
I don't want what I'm working through
Be like moving mountains for you
I am giving it my all
Giving you my all
As best I can and know how
Know that
My heart and head
Sometimes fall in conflict with one another
But that doesn't mean my love waivers
Or my trust or intentions
I just am working through this
Because I am a work in progress.

Moving On

I require the peace to move on
The pace in which to do so quickly
The ability to let go fluently
This is what I struggle with
It is my world and I am Atlas.
I'm willing to change
To let this burden fall
I need to move
This is my fault
My burden to bear
Something more than myself
Weighing heavily on my shoulders
But I will move on
I am the only person to take that step
Perhaps I can find a Hercules
To take my burden
And hold it for eternity
Moving on and letting go
It's what I plan to do
I have to
I must
I will...

Imperfect

I am imperfect
That I know for sure
Sincerely within me
But it's okay
Because that's how we all are
Nothing is perfect or set in stone
We all make mistakes
We all feel a bit insecure
I let myself slip today
Let emotions without basis
Get the better part of my judgement
And for that I despise myself
But it's over now
And I have to move on,
Moving on is all I can do
And to be accepted and loved
For who I am regardless
Is a beautiful thing

In The Mirror

Looking in the mirror
Constantly seeing what I lack
Seeing the insecurities staring back at me
Like the hollowness that is inside
I don't see what I should
I wish that I saw who I am
What I feel inside
Who I believe myself to be
But I am no better than the next woman
My reflection tells me so
It lies like thunder without rain
I hope that it changes
I know that it must
This is my problem
Seeing everything I'm not
In the mirror
Rather than myself for who I truly am.

What's Missing?

What is this yearning inside of me?
A deep need to feel noticed
To feel like I'm loved again
And a part of something...
I know what I have but part of me
Just seems to crave more and more
I'm blessed to have what I do
Because so many don't have it
And never will
But why do I feel like
Something is missing
And that I need more?
Is it a deep craving within me?
Perhaps I'm just not meeting
My own ever too high expectations...

Time

Clock ticking...
       Time passing,
Ever
 so
   slowly
I do not wish it away
But it's happening
With each
   tick
     tick
       tick
of the second hand...

Shattered Soul, Hidden Beauty

If I told you that you were beautiful

The words would fall on deaf ears

I know that deep inside you know there’s worth

That there is more than what you see

When you look into that mirror

But what I say doesn’t really matter

Because it is what your heart tells you

That will always be the truth to you.

Within you wells so much love for others

But I beg you to show yourself some kindness

And let this love be applied to yourself

You give and give for others

Until there is nothing left

I fear that you will be fragmented

Like a broken mirror

Shards of the angel that you truly are.

Learn to hold your head high

Look past the scars and pain

Find the moment in which it hurts

And embrace it and the fear that it comes with

You are seconds from defeating it

Seeing through the darkness

Which closes in around you

But this is something you must do

Something that only you can do

You must just believe in yourself.

I do not have words that can heal your void

Or make the world right again

But I know the one who does: you.

Only you can do this

But remember that you aren’t alone.

You will never be alone

Regardless of what you think

And forever, I will hold you as high as I can

Just let me in from the darkness you think

That you are saving me from

Because I promise you

I’ve seen darker places than you’ll ever know.

I do not fear for you

Because I know what you can do

I know who you really are

Don’t ever forget that

You may be able to hide

But I know the true face behind the mask

And it is more beautiful

Than anyone can ever know.

Be strong, you have more strength than you admit

You can do anything you wish

Just remember to fly

I will always be here to catch you, should you fall.

All I Can

I will do anything within my power to help

All that I am is at your disposal

I hope that you know how loyal my heart is

I want to do all I can to pull you through

Whether you need my hand or my ear

I will always be here and find a way

I cannot be more than I am

I know that you know that too

But is my heart’s desire to make this

Hard time just roll through easily

Or as easily as I can help it be

Let me ease your mind and your load

I will do what I can

I know there are things that I can’t do

Problems that I cannot solve or help with

But I will be here to do my part

And ease what I can

Know that always.

Share the Load

Let me ease your burden
Lighten the load that you carry
Spread it on my shoulders too
Because I will always be walking with you
You don't have to carry this
All by yourself
I know that you are weary
So share the load with me
If you can
I know there are things
I cannot help you carry
But I can always carry you
When you're too tired
To feel like going on
I will always be there
To help shoulder
Whatever burden you bear.

Forever I am Yours

Understand the day I give you my hand
Is the the day I promise forever
And to you in all ways, I am yours
I have resigned and entrusted
All that I am to your keeping
Knowing that you will hold me safe.
It is not without thought
But with joy and honor that I come
Bearing to you all that is within me
Know that this is it
And that forever I am yours
In my heart, I have no second thoughts
There is no regret or worry
About what might happen in the days to come
Fort this day, that falls upon us quickly
Is the day I've been waiting for
All of my life
And you are the only one
I could ever give myself to
I was just waiting for you to ask.

Not Always Words

Beneath the layer of letters and syllables
Of the words I write
There is emotion
Deep seated emotion that only
Knows one means of confession
Though words are powerful
There are times when they fall,
Inadequate to express,
That which lies deep within me
But they are the only tool I know
And as such,
I utilize them as I can
To display all that wells within me
If they fall short
I cannot help the case
Because there are not always words
For everything within me.

In This Moment

In this moment
The world passes away
And our bodies move
Together as one
Each movement in perfect harmony
A perfect rythym all our own
You make me feel
Like the only woman in the world
And all I desire is you
I've never felt this way before
In this moment
I know I never could
With anyone but you
Looking into your eyes
Seeing the passion burn
The same reflecting in my own
Makes me realize
That there's nowhere else
I would rather be
Than in this moment
Here with you as one
And only you forever.

Breaking Free

I am putting too much on myself
Facing my own unrealistic expectations
Thinking I should be better
Thinking that I should be more than I am
I wish I didn't have them
I know that I am enough
My feelings of inadequacy are present again
I know why they came again
I will not let the control me
Just as I won't let the posion seep through
I'm starting to change
Beginning to see myself for who I am
Not who I've been told that I was
I have to remember my worth
I have to know who I am again
I'm just starting to do that
Cutting out the bad and finding what remains
Breaking away from you
Is the healthiest thing for me to do
You're a cancer in my life
And I've finally got the way to cut you out
I am better than who you think
I am more than who you said
You can't control what I think anymore
And you never will again.

Running Away

I don’t feel like I’m running away

But I’ve got to leave this place

Turn and leave the memories behind

Leave the hurt and pain behind

Take my time and begin again

Somewhere I can be free

Free of everything that ties me down

And away from all the past.

I don’t need to run away

But I feel like it’s the only choice

The only way I’ll ever be free

The only way that I can see

I wish that these roads

Didn’t feel like my cage

I want to move on

And leave this place in the dust

Perhaps I’m running away

And yet, I’m not.

Jealousy

Jealousy

An emotion that’s so new to me

It’s irrational and doesn’t make sense

I have no idea why it’s there

But it has been

And I’ve got to let it go

Let go of a threatened feeling

Why I feel it

I have no clue but I do none-the-less

I know there is nothing there

To be threatened by

I know that it’s stupid on my part

For some reason my heart plays tricks

The one thing I want the most

Is the one thing I will always have

And nothing will ever change that

As far as I can see

So it’s time to move on

Move on from all the stupidity

Because as it is said

‘Love does not envy’

And I believe in love above all things

So there will be no more here

Though I fear I must apologize

For things I never said

I will leave it be

Things can't be this way

And I know that they shouldn't be

I'm bigger than that

Better than that

I have to get over it

Crazy

Sometimes I think I'm a little bit crazy
But don't you have to be
In order to deal with this life
Perhaps I'm just a touch insane
But I guess that's alright
I could be worse off than I am now
Maybe I'm just normal
Seeing myself through jaded eyes
Looking through emotions
That don't make any sense
More than likely this is the case
I won't think I'm crazy if I'm not
But I do know one thing
I'm not that crazy
But I'm crazy about you...
Looking through those jaded eyes
Seeing what they want me to
I've found something better
I know that I'm better
And I don't have to think I'm crazy
Because it surely isn't true...

Reise

When the road seems barren

And the sun fails to break through

Leaves of overgrown trees that hide the sky

From your longing eyes

Do not fret for this is only a small portion

Of the journey in which you are to take.

As a child you learned to walk

With one foot in front of the other

Nothing has changed since then

The only thing different is time

Time has made you weary

Heartache has made you angry

But one step at time

You can break free of these

Vines and brambles that ensnare your feet.

It is not the strength that counts

But the endurance that lies within you

Deep within, even when you cannot see it

It waits patiently to pull you through

Just when you think that you cannot.

The time to move is now

Break free of the shadowed place

And step out into the sunlight

Feeling its healing rays

Shine down on your soul once again.

All of this courage, motivation, endurance

Lies within you and is strong

And even when you cannot see it

My hand will always be there

To pick you up and help you go on

Whatever the road may bring.

What I know

There is so much you can't see
From the outside looking in
What I know is that
What you think you see
Is only a scratch of the surface
And there's so much more
Because you can never understand
What you don't have
I've come to a place of contentment
And what I know
Is that it doesn't matter
What anyone else thinks on the outside
What we have is more than that
There's more to this.
What I know
Is that it no longer matters
What outside factors there are
Because together and as one
We can handle it
We are strong in our love
In our choices, in our plan for forever
What outside things happen
Will never change what is within
And what I know
Is that this is forever
And it will weather anything
That life can throw at us.

Left Hand

I look at my left hand
And I see a question
And an answer.
I see a promise of forever
Of love and hope
Never being alone again
I don't see freedom fleeting
Nor uncertainty lying ahead
I see a bright future
That will be made by two
Rather than just by one.

Bliss

Sit and enjoy
Drink from my cup
And be fulfilled
Get drunk on my love
Be one with my heart
Never let your hand
Stray from mine
Come lay with me
'Neath stars so bright
That I may see
Your eyes sparkle
With each one
Reflecting from them
Sing, dance, revel
In all that we are
All we are as one
One with each other
Enjoy the moments of bliss
Come with me
And share in love eternal
Be with me
And I with you...

Childish Notions

I would love to believe
That all men are good
But I'm not a child anymore
And reason overrules idealism.
All the notions and preconceptions
That come and go with age
Blend bias with experience
And shadow our choices.
Should we chose to allow
These things to pervade our emotions
We become slaves to them
Unable to see beyond their filter.

To challenge these ideas
Of which we base in reason
Would seem to undermine
Who we are inside
But to see beyond their filter
Is the ultimate goal
And to look at the world freshly
With the eyes of a child
The child we once were
Free to think as we please
But with the experience of age
And the maturity to move beyond.

Always for You

Know that above all things

You are my heart

The reason it beats.

With every remaining breath

I will love you

And hold your name on my lips

Like a sacred jewel.

As time goes on

As things change

I will always be there

Holding my hand out for yours

Waiting for you

Walking with you

Cherishing you like the wonder you are.

I want to give you the best

To give you all you’ll ever need

Provide a stable home

And care for your every want

I will open my heart

To everything you are

And be there always

No matter what the cost.

Your love is the sweetest gift

The most I could ever ask for

If you never gave me another thing

I would be just as happy

As I am now.

Challenge

Bring it on

I’m tired of you

Trying to determine my worth

You feel as though you are nothing

Don’t project that on me

Because I am something

And I will not let you

Bring me down anymore

Use your words

That once had power over me

Only to find that they mean

Nothing to me anymore

Bring it on

I’m ready

The question is:

Are you?

Letting Go

Now is the time for letting go
Taking our past and leaving it
Where it belongs: in the dust
No more thinking about it
Time to take the dive head first
Into a journey that depends
On love, on trust, on each other.
There isn't a reason to cling
To fears that may exist in
The deepest parts of our hearts
Because it no longer matters
Fear and love cannot coexisit.
From this point onward
I will dedicate my all
To what we have together,
It's time to forgive for past mistakes
Of both ourselves and others
No more holding onto anything
But one another
It's time to take that leap
And fully be one
Each step in harmony
Leaving all else behind
And never letting each other go.

True Love

Finding the love that I have
I feel more fortunate than anyone
It's an inexplicable feeling
Of total contentment
That overcomes me and invades
Every sense within me.
You know when you finally find it
After your heart searches
And there is nothing more amazing
Then the feeling of true love
I will never get over the
Wonderful feeling that wells within me.