Bliss

Sit and enjoy
Drink from my cup
And be fulfilled
Get drunk on my love
Be one with my heart
Never let your hand
Stray from mine
Come lay with me
'Neath stars so bright
That I may see
Your eyes sparkle
With each one
Reflecting from them
Sing, dance, revel
In all that we are
All we are as one
One with each other
Enjoy the moments of bliss
Come with me
And share in love eternal
Be with me
And I with you...

Childish Notions

I would love to believe
That all men are good
But I'm not a child anymore
And reason overrules idealism.
All the notions and preconceptions
That come and go with age
Blend bias with experience
And shadow our choices.
Should we chose to allow
These things to pervade our emotions
We become slaves to them
Unable to see beyond their filter.

To challenge these ideas
Of which we base in reason
Would seem to undermine
Who we are inside
But to see beyond their filter
Is the ultimate goal
And to look at the world freshly
With the eyes of a child
The child we once were
Free to think as we please
But with the experience of age
And the maturity to move beyond.

Always for You

Know that above all things

You are my heart

The reason it beats.

With every remaining breath

I will love you

And hold your name on my lips

Like a sacred jewel.

As time goes on

As things change

I will always be there

Holding my hand out for yours

Waiting for you

Walking with you

Cherishing you like the wonder you are.

I want to give you the best

To give you all you’ll ever need

Provide a stable home

And care for your every want

I will open my heart

To everything you are

And be there always

No matter what the cost.

Your love is the sweetest gift

The most I could ever ask for

If you never gave me another thing

I would be just as happy

As I am now.

Challenge

Bring it on

I’m tired of you

Trying to determine my worth

You feel as though you are nothing

Don’t project that on me

Because I am something

And I will not let you

Bring me down anymore

Use your words

That once had power over me

Only to find that they mean

Nothing to me anymore

Bring it on

I’m ready

The question is:

Are you?

Letting Go

Now is the time for letting go
Taking our past and leaving it
Where it belongs: in the dust
No more thinking about it
Time to take the dive head first
Into a journey that depends
On love, on trust, on each other.
There isn't a reason to cling
To fears that may exist in
The deepest parts of our hearts
Because it no longer matters
Fear and love cannot coexisit.
From this point onward
I will dedicate my all
To what we have together,
It's time to forgive for past mistakes
Of both ourselves and others
No more holding onto anything
But one another
It's time to take that leap
And fully be one
Each step in harmony
Leaving all else behind
And never letting each other go.

True Love

Finding the love that I have
I feel more fortunate than anyone
It's an inexplicable feeling
Of total contentment
That overcomes me and invades
Every sense within me.
You know when you finally find it
After your heart searches
And there is nothing more amazing
Then the feeling of true love
I will never get over the
Wonderful feeling that wells within me.

For @webkenny

I can't ever express to you
Just how much you mean to me
All my life I will dedicate to you
All that I am and show you
Just how much I truly love you.
Since the day you asked me
To be your wife
I have never had a second thought
And I know I never will.
My favorite place in the world
Is where you are
Because where you are
Will always be home to me.
To bear your children
Will be a honor I can only imagine
And to grow old with you
Is my only wish for the rest of my life.
If I could put into words
How excited I am to give
Myself to you as your wife
I wouldn't be able to adequately
Express it
Because the emotions overwhelm me
And every day forward
I will be open with you
Talk to you, trust you
And be yours entirely
That is my promise.

Looking Inside

Looking deep within myself
Trying to find a worth
That I cannot always see
Hoping to look deep within
And find a new spark
That I haven't seen before
Wondering what is inside
That I don't realize that I have
Because right now
I don't see the worth
I don't see the potential
Because I feel stuck
Where I am at the moment
Maybe it's a set back
A temporary loss of perspective
But right now
I don't feel like I'm worth it
I don't believe in myself
I want to be more than
Who I am right now
The outside picture
Is not a full display
Of what I have inside
And it doesn't seem right
To be sold so low outwardly
When I know there is worth
Somewhere inside of me
Where to go from here
That I do not know
But the only way is up.

Lost Love

Beneath the moonlight

She sings her song of woe

Embracing the darkness of night

Her heart grieves the loss

Of one she left behind long ago

Returning to the place

Where she said her last good-bye

She haunts and wails in the night

Her spirit waning as the moon

And her soul disappears with the dawn

To know she gave up everything

One night under the moon

Beneath a old elm tree

Makes her return

As past regrets she cannot move on from

And holds her to the hallowed ground

From which she said good-bye.

Breathe & Move Forward

Just breathe

Open yourself up

Be okay with the moments

Be content in who you are

Once again

Tell yourself the truth

Not the lies

You were made to believe

Long ago…

Breathe

Reflect on the happiness

Remember the joy

That is coming your way

Hold on to the

Brightness of the future

And embrace

The change that is to come…

Hold your head high

And be the best

Just who you are

Is all that the best is.

Remember the moments

And face the sunshine

Once again.

The time for hesitation is over

The time for moving has begun

No more holding back

No more thinking about before

Time to give yourself entirely

Time to surrender the walls

Opening up to a new life

And a bright future.

Reflection

We often find ourselves in a place unfamiliar

Working ourselves into a corner within our minds

And thinking that we are less than we are

We often turn inward and find our own opinion

When we need an objective opinion.

We let our insecurities rule our minds

Triggering irrational thoughts and actions

When we really need to look in a mirror

And see ourselves for who we really are

Searching our faces for the things we cannot see.

There are times we need that outside opinion

That we trust and love beyond measure

To re-focus our view of our own reflection

Sometimes we’re looking in a rippled pool

That obscures who we truly are.

That re-focus on our true reflection is a relief

A change in what we are

A healthy dose of reality that we so greatly need

Because who we are,

A reflection only shows us who we can see

Objectivity is the key to all of this.

It's Me

It's not you, it's me
How many times has that phrase
Been over-played?
But this time it appears
To be the case this time
Perhaps I put too much
Stock on you in this
Maybe my expectations
Are far too high
It looks like it really is me
And it's not you...

Stepping Forward Yet Looking Backward

I’ve never been scared of being on my own

I’ve been my own since I was young

The lonely pillar when nothing else was around

In myself I find refuge

While this may seem unhealthy

It’s the way it’s been for a long time

To have to depend on someone else

To share with someone else is new to me.

I’m not a selfish person

I never have been and will never be

But I am guarded and cautious

Over letting people inside me

I’m scared of being hurt again

Of hurting like I never have before.

I guess that’s just the way it goes

It comes with the territory.

To break away from what has been

To what is to come doesn’t come easy

One foot in front of the other

Has never been so hard for me

I look back on where I came from

To where I’m heading to

And everything is changing

Everything is new and different

I wonder how to make the break from

The self-reliant place I once was in

To a place of sharing and dependency.

It may seem like a simple step

Like the easy choice,

For who would want to not make it

But part of me is scared and confused

Another part of me is cautious

More of me wants to go though

But I still can’t decipher what the right choice is

Even though I’m moving forward

I feel as though I’m looking backwards.

I Will Never Be

I know there are things that I will never be

I will never be the most wild girl at the party

But rather the one everyone pulls aside

To ask advice and spill their secrets to.

I will never be the one to betray a trust

Because I could never do that

Deep inside I’m too loyal to my own heart

To do that to another person.

I will always be the safe option

The girl next door, the faithful wife

One who doesn’t question

But perhaps that makes me less of who I am.

Perhaps love makes me that way

Perhaps love makes me stupid.

I will never be the only one in the room you notice

I will never have your undying attention

These things I’ve come to realize

Midst words that sound so sweet

But words none-the-less.

I wish it were different

I wish I could be more than who I am

But that is wishful thinking

I can only be who I am

Nothing more, nothing less.

I will change as the days pass

And grow as a person

But I will never lose myself.

I will never be everything I’m not

Or anything for that matter

I suppose what I’m saying is

This is who and how I am

And this is how it’s going to stay

I don’t mean to say I won’t grow and change

But I cannot change what I am.

You've Got to Understand

I will always be the safe one

The one who is steady

With moments and times

Of pains and weakness

But I will always be that option

I cannot be what I’m not

I’ve chosen to live without the mask

Without the shadow

Used to guard what is who I am

That isn’t to say my walls aren’t in place

That I don’t guard my heart well

I’m an old soul weathered

Far beyond my years

With a deeper understanding

Of things I shouldn’t even know

Of pain and heartache

Change and loss of trust

Shifting loyalties…

I will never be the most beautiful

I will never be the most talented

I will never be the best

I will never be perfect

I’ve come to grips with these things

I’ve come to realize how little

These things really even mean

But you’ve got to understand

That this is who I am

I’ve got to understand

That you probably won’t understand

You’ve got to understand

Well maybe…

I’ve got to understand.

Fear

Fear
An imprisoning poison
That takes away our better judgement
That makes us chose rashly
An enemy in the night
That undermines everything
We once found solid and true.
It's deathly and brooding
But sadly within us all
One must learn to control it
Embrace it as a flaw
That runs deeply
And skews a reasonable mind.

Unspoken Thoughts

I want to rid myself of these lingering
Shadows of doubt that fill my mind
The questions in my heart
And move on from this place
I don't know what I am doing here again
I wish I did because I want to fix it
Why can't I just trust blindly?
Why do I have issues?
The nagging feeling inside me won't rest
It needs to, I need it to...
I wish I felt more secure
It just doesn't feel right
Something feels wrong
My heart returns to words once said
While my mind contemplates others
I don't see a solution
For my inner problem
And that's just it,
It is my problem
An inner problem and puzzlement

Is it because I'm safe
That I will always be there?
Is it because I'm stupid
And will never question?
Is it because of me
And who I've become?
I don't have any answers
I don't even know if I wish I did...
I guess it doesn't matter
Because that's the way it goes
In the long run
Will these thoughts really matter?
I don't know what I need
May some solace from myself
Part of me wants to run away
Part of me wants to not think anymore
And yet another part of me
Just wants to leave well enough alone
And just let things remain the same
There's so many possible ways
None of them are options right now
None of them will quell what is within me
But I have to find some way to
Or else I will delve deeper
Into the darkness that I question
Or endanger what I have
And hold the closest.

Not Enough

I've come to the conclusion
That I'm not enough
Maybe I never will be
Never be good enough
Never enough fun
Never worth the time
Perhaps I'm not even really
Worth it now
But I'm safe and here
That's the only reason
You hold on to me...

Full

Running around without a clue
Trying to remember the next step
Hoping I'm not forgetting anything
Head buzzing and world spinning
Too much to make sense of it all
Just stay with the moment
Try not to get to far ahead
And not plan yourself into a corner
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy
Putting too much on our minds
Too much on our plate
And we are forced to stomach it all

Love is a Dance

One foot in front of the other

It’s how we learn to walk

But how do we learn to stay in time

With the one that we love most

Love is a journey

More of a dance than a walk

One leading the other

Steps changing with the music of the moment

It’s a beautiful masterpiece

And the roles change from time to time

Each movement a new chapter

Keeping in step with one another takes time

Takes trust and patience with each other

As the music of time flies by

The steps get more complex

Sometimes they are easy

Sometimes they are hard

But this dance is never meant to end

It’s meant to continue into forever

With one leaning on the other

Pulling and believing in one another’s strengths

Stepping in when the other is weak

And this promenade continues and builds

A private masquerade built on each other

Built together because love is a dance.

Stars

Bring me the moon to place among the stars

Did god speak these words to the angels?

When I look upon the night sky in wonder

I think of each star I can encompass with my eyes

Wondering why each one is where it is

What’s the point?

The small dots of light we so often take for granted

Shining down upon us during the night

Are there for a reason one would wish to believe

But there doesn’t have to be a reason for everything.

Reflections

High expectations crashed to the ground
A sigh, a concession and settlement
Things aren't exactly as planned
It's not the same any more
I'm not sure it's exactly what was wanted
But it's what's happening now.

So many questions,
Some with obvious answers
Others a bit more obscure
I guess the plans are changing
I suppose it doesn't matter anyway
What is to come, will come
Regardless of wishes and regrets.

I wish it could be different
But I cannot make it so
Wishing is for fools anyway
Regrets are for those who live in the past
I will be niether of those
Even though the thoughts still linger  even now...

Hope Again

Being able to see the beauty of sunshine once again
And the warmth of it on my skin
Makes me remember I'm alive.
I've broken free of the dark place I put myself
And have begun to remember how normal feels again
Remember joy and love, all the things that really matter
It's a wonderful feeling and I'm content
With the knowledge that this is only the start
Of making things better, of getting better...
The true value of having hope once again
Instead of it being a fleeting concept
That is a priceless feeling.

Where to Start

I have so many words to write
But as to where to begin I am at a loss
There is so much inside of me
Waiting to break through like the sun through the clouds
I can't even fathom the things I want to say
The words I wish to write
It's an overwhelming and delightful feeling
Because I'm brimming with creativity and joy
I just don't even know where to begin.

Without You

I find myself trying to fill the void of you not being around
Trying to realize that it is only a temporary parting
But my world isn't complete without you
I find myself turning to say something
And then I realize that you aren't there
I guess it's hard for me when you're gone
Because it makes me feel like I'm nothibung without you
I wish I didn't seem so dependent but then I realize
I've never felt this way with anyone else
So it doesn't surprise me when I feel empty without you here
I am my own person and I know this
But upon finding you, my other half
I don't feel complete without you.
I never knew that love could ever run this deep
And it surprises me at times
Because it grows every day a little more
Gets a little stronger, runs a little deeper
I will never be one of those who can
Easily be away from the one I love the most.
Once an independent woman,
I find myself at a loss because I know that without you
My life wouldn't be as wonderful as it is now
And I am perfectly fine with that,
I don't want to ever have to live a moment without you.

Contemplation

Slowly winding down a long, arduous round

Upon a trail I have never been before

Filling voids and empty space

With colorful sunshine and philosophies

To somehow pass the time and distance

Between here and there

Roaming in unfamiliar bush and bramble

Skipping from stone to stone

Wondering about thespians and deities

Encased in small quarters of the mind

And how strange it is to see a tree

Dead but still standing midst a sea of grass

What wonders of this fanciful sojourn

Wrought with waves of unstable sanity

A ponder-full walk through meaningless thought

Contemplating the things of old and yet to come

An interesting concept I have yet to see

Among brittle and crumbling stonewalls meant to last forever.

Always

I never realized how much I hurt you
How much what I did left you without a friend
I hope you know I never meant to hurt you
I love you too much to ever do that.

I'm sorry things are difficult
I'm sorry you feel so alone and alienated
I only want the best for you
I hope you know I didn't mean to abandon you.

I am always here for you
No matter what the cost, no matter what you feel
I always will be and that is my promise
My heart is always with you and I will always be here.

Only Temporary

Laying here in bed next to you
Knowing that just in a matter of hours
You'll be gone, it makes my heart ache.
To know that for days I won't feel your kiss
A warm embrace or see a smile when I get home
After a long day apart
Knowing that I will look over
At your empty side of the bed
And wondering if you feel the same...
It may be only temporary
But I still hate the thought of missing you
So badly that everything within me feels incomplete.
I can't be whole without you near
I can't find the words to tell you how much
That I will miss you when you're gone...
The more I think about it,
The more it tears me apart inside
But I can bear it
As long as it is only temporary
And you come home back to me as soon as you can.

Roller Coaster

To equate life to a roller coaster would be far too easy
It explains all the unexpected and yet nothing
There are ups and downs, twists and turns
But life is so much more than those mere things
Yet we find ourselves caught up in them
In those moments that peak in our memory
Let us not forget the time it takes to get there
Or the in betweens that seem unimportant...
Life is more than a roller coaster or the ultimate ride
It is everything we are, everything we see
Life can only be defined and made by oneself
And not made a explicable part of a simple metaphor.

Road

Driving down the highway, only one thing on my mind
The thought of being more than I am...
Lines on the road passing in a blur
Trees flying by as the speed increases
There's a certain freedom behind the wheel
Riding down the road with only one place to go...home.

It clears my mind and heart to see the blur of pavement
Gray and dull, meaninglessly underneath my wheels
Just waiting to be passed over and left behind
Like all things in life are
There's just something about the road
It can take you anywhere you want as long as you have an ultimate goal.

I'm Ready

My soul is restless and eager to move forward

I’m ready for a new path and journey

One in which, I’m no longer alone and will never be again

I’m ready for the world to change in an instant

With one little test and statement

It’s one of those things that I can’t wait for

I’m ready to watch you grow as a man

Stronger, wiser and older – to grow this way together

To be more than who we are right now.

I’m ready to give myself up completely

I think I’ve held back up until now

Because I was uncertain of what all will change

But now, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt

I’ve never been more ready.

Things I Want To Say

There are words that need to be said
But I just can't seem to grasp them
Words of anger and resentment
Over everything you have done
Over what you didn't do or never will.

I don't understand if it if out of respect
That I can't tell you what's burried deep inside
Or just pure pity that I can't put you through it
But you've hurt me more than anything
Cut me deep because you don't care what matters to me.

I wish you could know love and peace
Rather than the bitterness and selfishness
That you surround yourself in
Because there is so much more to life
Then all you feel like you are a victim of.

You don't care about anyone or anything more than yourself
I wish I weren't blinded by the assumption
That I am supposed to love you regardless of anything
You've caused me so much pain
I wish that you weren't so self centered to see that.

You'll probably never know how much you've hurt me
I don't care to show you anyway, to give you that satisfaction
But one day when you look in the mirror
I hope that the monster and snake that you are
Stares back at you and reveals that you have no soul.

I'm free of your tyranny and lies, free of your grasp
I will not let you ruin what I have made for myself
Because what I have is beautiful and you should know,
No matter what, I will do whatever it takes to keep it
Even if it means taking you out of the picture entirely.

Yes, anger is a good word for it all
But I will not waste the energy on loathing you any longer.

Inadequate Romantic Words

Words cannot express the things I wish to tell you

Encompassing the love that I have for you within me

Would take pages that the world could not hold

And words would have to be created for my feelings

Words that only exist here inside my heart and soul

Should I tell you how I feel, I would bear all I am –

You already have all I am, know every part of me

To me you are my past, present and future

Always meant to be – the soul I have searched for since birth

These words of romance need not be meaningless

But they are only words as well

Each day, I will live a little better because of you

You make me better than who I am, you make me want to be better

Who you are is more than I can comprehend

And how you’ve changed and shaped my world

Is only the start of something so beautiful that I am at a loss

To describe the overwhelming emotion within me.

There are not words for all of this

I will be forever by your side, forever yours

I will always be there for whatever you need

To love, to hold, to stand with, to lean on

To be everything you need me to be

As you are everything to me –

Throwing Caution Aside

New adventures and horizons brewing in the distance

Excitement bubbling at the prospect of change

It is a new feeling for me – utter excitement of the unknown

Trying to keep a level head but so greatly anticipating

The new and unknown like a child waiting for her first snow.

I know I should stay level and steady, being patient and mindful

But something inside me cannot wait, will not hold back

It’s not an escape I see, but a new beginning

A new life with open windows and doors, no limits in sight

To have no reservations could make me reckless

Could make me less cautious than I should be

But didn’t someone wise once say ‘throw caution to the wind’?

My sails are set, I’m ready for wherever this will take me

As long the one I love is always by my side.

Move, Move

I see the pain you have
The pain you wear on your sleeve
It runs deeply -
Rooted in anger and bitterness
In self loathing, in fear of pain you've caused
But where you are is in the midst
Of confusion and masked with the moment
You're eyes are shielded with blinders
And henceforth the light once there
Is darkened -
But all is not lost, it is not gone.
You must find it within yourself
You must wake from this painful nightmare
Lest you slumber forever in a coffin
Pierced with emotional nails
Movement will be painful
But the end result will be relieving
You can move
You aren't as weak as you think
You aren't as weak as you've been told
Move, move - it's the only way
The only way to be free again

What It Is

Inexplicable moments of bliss
Cascading into fantasy and pleasure
Awaiting the moments of joy and laughter
Blooming in anothers eyes
And relishing in the moments of ease and comfort

Walking hand in hand and making it work
Taking each second as it comes
Wishing time would stand still
But knowing that an amazing path is ahead
Contemplating each milestone like a prize

Finding a peace and sincerity of soul
That only makes you complete
Bringing each time sweeter than the last
One could go on forever on how it is
But no one can explain the feeling for you.

Clearly

Clearly I don't know what I want
Clearly I'm in the wrong place
I'm wrong and that's all there is
What's wrong with me, I don't know
It's happening and maybe it's just me
The road is long and hard
But I'm not sure I have the will to continue

Clearly something's not right
Clearly it's just me, no one else
I guess I have to watch my steps
Watch my words and make some changes
More than so, I must make sure
That I'm okay on the inside
I'll internalize it all, to make sure
There's no pain for anyone else

Clearly there is nothing I can do
Clearly I'm just wrong
I can't find a way around this right now
But I will once I find the right footing
I have to or else I won't have anything
I'm not the best I can be
I need to do better
I need to be better than I am