Icing

It's raining ice
A subtle reflection of my mood
Falling and striking down
Melting where it lands
Melting cold
Unlike the hot tears
That have flowed this morning
The detraction isn't enough
To note all that much difference
The rain has been hurt
Turned to ice
By the clouds that once
Held it safe.

True Reflections

Never a smile
Always a curt
Straight mouthed sign
Of disappointed bitterness.
I hope you see the mirror
The glass you've so often
Tried to shatter with your coldness
Because it still reflects the truth
As it always will
That deep inside
You are hollow
You care for naught
And all things are clear
Because your own mask
Can't even hide
The empty soul
That resides within.

Finished

I could have been better
I could have been more
Had you not decided to quell me
Had you not chosen to take my dreams
I could have soared among the clouds
I could have but I didn't
My visions were made dim
Things were lost that I can never regain
But it's partly my fault too
Because I allowed it
When I never should have.

Things are different now
Though you don't see the tide has changed
You don't see the new birth
What blindness there is in your eyes
Blinded by anger and selfishness
You stumble through life
With no concept of others
Only of yourself
Play the pity party one last time
Because that's all that
You are going to get from me
One last word
One last moment in which you can speak
Before I silence everything.

Cutting the false bond
Never felt so right before
Not like it does now
It was long overdue
But came just at the right moment
It's time for you to know your place
To choke on words
You once used to hurt
And swallow the poison that you
Fed me all of my life
But here's the catch
This is all your own
It's based in truth
And is even harder to swallow
Like razor blades
And deep inside
I hope it cuts the same.

Strangers

We are strangers, you and I
Supposed to share a bond deeper than love
We walk this world as strangers
I've been given more by those who once were strangers
Treated better by an unknown person on the street
When I am supposed to feel this connection to you
And call you a name which is held for those dear
I cannot fathom giving that to you or sharing it with you
You do not even know me, what's important to me
You have no idea what goes on in my daily life
Or even care to see what goes on under the surface
You hide behind your selfishness so as not to expose
The empty windows of your soul
The broken panes of glass that have been shattered by bitterness
And swept away with anger
I do no know you, I do not care to anymore
I gave you everything you asked
You are a stranger to me and that's all you'll ever be
And even that - is more than you deserve.

Shattered And Broken

I can't sleep
I feel so broken
Like everything is wrong
And it's all my fault
If I had been better
If I had been more
Perhaps I wouldn't have done anything
Maybe these tears would end
And I could sleep
But I feel so empty
I've never felt this way before
I feel like I've lost my heart
And without it
I don't want to live
I don't want to do anything
Perhaps if I lie in bed
Sleep may come
But I don't deserve it
I don't deserve anything right now
I am an idiot
A wicked person
Who deserves nothing
I don't want forgiveness
I want you back
I want this hole inside gone
And I'm not sure
If I've done too much
Or if you even want me any more
I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here waiting
You aren't even awake
You don't even have any idea
How much inside I'm breaking
How much I wish I could take it all back
How I just want to lie next to you
And hear you say that we're okay
But I won't get that
I don't deserve that
I don't deserve you
I don't deserve anything anymore
Apparently
I've done irreparable damage
And I can't fix it
I don't know how
I wish you were there
I want you to know
That you have my heart
You are my heart
And I don't want to lose you
Even though
I think I already have.
The tears won't stop
They won't stop for anything
I can't close my eyes
All I see is pain
All I see is the empty bed
That is next to me
And wonder if you will
Ever want to occupy it again with me
What can I do but sit here
And wait to hear from you
But I'm so broken
That I don't know
What to do right now
I'm so broken,
My heart is shattered into pieces
And it's all my fault.

Pain

So tired of fighting
Exhausted of bearing
Each moment with a smile
When my body is screaming
I don't know what to do
Sick of the stabbing
The aching, the burning
Constant waves of pain
Washing down my body
Like hell fire.
Is it too much to ask
To just be able to walk
To be able to sleep
Just be able to live
To just be able to be
Free of this pain?
It brings darkness
Quick temper and shortness
Wears down every nicety...
Wears me down to nothing
I just want to be free.

Breaking Free

I am putting too much on myself
Facing my own unrealistic expectations
Thinking I should be better
Thinking that I should be more than I am
I wish I didn't have them
I know that I am enough
My feelings of inadequacy are present again
I know why they came again
I will not let the control me
Just as I won't let the posion seep through
I'm starting to change
Beginning to see myself for who I am
Not who I've been told that I was
I have to remember my worth
I have to know who I am again
I'm just starting to do that
Cutting out the bad and finding what remains
Breaking away from you
Is the healthiest thing for me to do
You're a cancer in my life
And I've finally got the way to cut you out
I am better than who you think
I am more than who you said
You can't control what I think anymore
And you never will again.

Challenge

Bring it on

I’m tired of you

Trying to determine my worth

You feel as though you are nothing

Don’t project that on me

Because I am something

And I will not let you

Bring me down anymore

Use your words

That once had power over me

Only to find that they mean

Nothing to me anymore

Bring it on

I’m ready

The question is:

Are you?

Things I Want To Say

There are words that need to be said
But I just can't seem to grasp them
Words of anger and resentment
Over everything you have done
Over what you didn't do or never will.

I don't understand if it if out of respect
That I can't tell you what's burried deep inside
Or just pure pity that I can't put you through it
But you've hurt me more than anything
Cut me deep because you don't care what matters to me.

I wish you could know love and peace
Rather than the bitterness and selfishness
That you surround yourself in
Because there is so much more to life
Then all you feel like you are a victim of.

You don't care about anyone or anything more than yourself
I wish I weren't blinded by the assumption
That I am supposed to love you regardless of anything
You've caused me so much pain
I wish that you weren't so self centered to see that.

You'll probably never know how much you've hurt me
I don't care to show you anyway, to give you that satisfaction
But one day when you look in the mirror
I hope that the monster and snake that you are
Stares back at you and reveals that you have no soul.

I'm free of your tyranny and lies, free of your grasp
I will not let you ruin what I have made for myself
Because what I have is beautiful and you should know,
No matter what, I will do whatever it takes to keep it
Even if it means taking you out of the picture entirely.

Yes, anger is a good word for it all
But I will not waste the energy on loathing you any longer.

Lost Your Hold

Caught off guard and suddenly
You're playing my heart like a piano
Hitting every sharp note
Playing on every fear
Because you know me all too well,
You know where I'm vulnerable
Where to make it hurt the most
Where to cut the deepest...

You thought you had a hold
But I've moved on
I'm more than I was before
It may bother me for a moment
But unlike you think
It won't bother me for a lifetime
Bring on that knife you pose as words
My skin is thicker than it once was
I'm not as fragile as before.

I've been through hell and back
I survived
I can't say the same for you
Nor do I really care
Maybe realizing that I didn't care
Hurt you too much, cut too deep
All I can say to that --
Too bad, I don't care anymore.

Snake

To say that you're a chameleon would be flattery
You can't fool everyone, you don't fool me
I see past that fake exterior
I can see straight through the lies, the fake smiles, the warmness
Cold blooded as a snake, cunning like the viper
You wait to turn and strike the awaiting innocent
Watch out for my heel, it is not my fatal flaw
I've perfected all the insecurities you once knew of me
Be wary of my anger, it brews in silence and teeters on the edge
I will not hold it at bay when provoked
Let me give you an metaphor to dwell on
The eagle and the snake...
Be wary of your actions, be very keen
I will only have to strike once to end it all.