Bitter Enclosure

Do you ever have those day
Where it seems like curling up in a ball
And sobbing is something you think you need
To feel so trapped inside a box
Frustrated that there's no way out
Putting forth effort with minimal results?
This is my day, sometimes my life
I wish there were a key to this prison.

Summer Skies

The night becomes younger
As the daylight grows older
Summer invades Spring
Scorching swiftly with oppressive heat
Sunny skies give way to
Dark clouds and clapping thunder
With scattered bolts
Illuminating the dark sky
And even without the storm
The night grows brighter
With lighter shades
Offset by white blotchy clouds
Stars seem to shine
As is this were their season
To bathe the Earth
With ancient splendor.

Icing

It's raining ice
A subtle reflection of my mood
Falling and striking down
Melting where it lands
Melting cold
Unlike the hot tears
That have flowed this morning
The detraction isn't enough
To note all that much difference
The rain has been hurt
Turned to ice
By the clouds that once
Held it safe.

Can You See the Stars?

I hope that wherever you are
You can see the stars as plainly as I
How brightly the belt of Orion stretches
Out across the sky
And Venus shines brightly down
Eclipsing the light of the north star.
I hope that you feel the same peace I do
Knowing that only time separates us
And one day we will see each other again
Walking hand in hand down the aisles of the stars
Like we were meant to here on earth.

Fade

Time fades the leaves to a soft brown
And the sun bleaches out the grass
To make way for the distance of winter
Greens gives way to shades of red and amber
Rain to snow and warmth to cold
Each it's own master of a season
A change, a fade from one to the other.

Before You Wake

Before you wake up in the morning
I want you to know that I didn't miss
The tenderness in your voice as you left
Or the thoughtfulness you showed
By just doing the little things
Like forks...
It's good for you to have a break
Some freedom from this undertaking
But I know you don't see it that way.
Know that I will always be okay
Always be safe and careful
Loving you from wherever I am
To wherever you are
And that that will never change.
I never knew how lost without you
I could ever be
But I do now
But it's okay -
I know where your heart calls home...

Mr. Amazing

Who knew that one could ride in

With roses in hand

And make my heart stop for a moment

To make the day a bit brighter

And make the fear pass away

Like a distant memory…

You truly are Mr. Amazing

The one who stole my heart

And keeps it safe next to your own

You’ll never see just who you are to me

Never know how much

I adore the moments when you’re near

And in so many ways

I can’t believe you’re mine

I don’t know what I would be

Without you in my life.

(Untitled)

I couldn’t tell you if you asked

What I miss the most when you’re not here

It could be the smell of you after a long day

The softness of your hair beneath my hand

Or even the depth I see in your brown eyes

Each and every one of these things

I hold dear to me when you’re gone.

It’s the familiar that I miss the most

Of having you physically present

Just near enough to me so that I feel complete

Feel safe and like the world is right.

Each and every thing I fell in love with about you

I miss more and more each time you’re gone

This bond between us is deep and substantial

It’s almost surreal how wonderful it is

I can’t believe I’m so blessed to have you

And you can’t understand the depth my love for you

How much I miss you when you’re not here

And how much I truly do need you

As a part of my life.

Autumn

The smell of leaves
Decaying and crumbling on the ground
An intoxicating aroma
Filling every sense of myself
And turning me into an addict of the fall.
Scents of warm spices and warm drinks
Shared with friends and family
Bundled up in light jackets
Surrounded by the soft glow of candles
Lighting pumpkins with strewn faces
And cornucopias of plenty.
Horse drawn wagons filled with straw
Being pulled across darkened apple orchards
This is what fall is about
The moments of time
Surrounded in bold colors and warm glows
Of sun gleaming through trees
Shedding the leaves of growth
To make a blanket for the upcoming snow
And shelter the earth from the bitter winter
This is the season
This is the time of year
For hearts to glow and warm the soul
An amazing reflection of the days gone by
And the warmness of the days
Which are to come.

How Deep My Love

My love,
Do you see
How your doe eyes
Light up my smile
Make my fear melt
And are all
I ever want to see
For the rest
Of my life...
I don't think you know
Just how handsome
You really are
And how my love
For who you are
Inside and out
Will never ever fade
I love you
Is never enough
I will show you
Forever
Just how deep
You are
A part of my soul.

Running Free

I'm finished with being held down
Being grasped by invisible chains
Bearing down on my potential and future
I've broken free from their iron grip
Begun to stretch my wings
I know in my heart that I remember how to fly
Someone taught me once
And I'm not afraid to do it again
I'm not afraid of falling
Because there's always someone to catch me
I will not let myself be held down
I shall not be captured again
Without my permission
I'm done living with fear in my heart
Done with the pain of thinking 'what-if'
It's time to take the plunge
To do what I know that I can
Time to break free
And run wildly through life
Without any notion of where I'm going
Because now, I'll never be alone

For @hidingout2

Getting thinner, going stronger, going harder
More than what you thought you could
More than you ever knew that you would have to
Your heart is on your sleeve
Beating hard and strong for those around you
But you wear yourself thin taking care of everyone.
Take a moment and breathe, beautiful:
Know that this is just a passing time
And you will come through - stronger, better
It's a hard weight on your shoulders
Just remember that you are never alone
There is warmth in the sunshine
Just as there is warmth in a stranger's smile
Your beautiful heart beats for everyone you care for
It's big and open, bearing so much burden
Know that you will make it through and you can do this
No matter how many times you think you can't...
Beleive in yourself
More importantly...take care of yourself
Remember to breathe a little each day
Crack a smile when it doesn't seem possible
And savor the little moments of comfort
No matter how briefly they are there
Look into the mirror and see strength and love
A woman whose hands have done only good and cared for the world
See the resolve behind your eyes and know that you can...
It seems like so much upon you right now
But just remember, you are never alone - never.

Band

A small weight with lots of meaning
Always subconciously remembered and ever there
It rests so sofly upon the skin
Shining, glimmering in the light
Much like the amount of importance of what is symbolizes
An ever unbroken circle, never ending
It is a reflection of love and commitment
Of a deep seated bond made from two hearts becoming one
It rests there, ever present as a memorial
To promises and entrustments placed with another
What's behind it matters, what it encircles matters
Everything it symbolizes matters
It is more than just a band, so much more.

Shattered And Broken

I can't sleep
I feel so broken
Like everything is wrong
And it's all my fault
If I had been better
If I had been more
Perhaps I wouldn't have done anything
Maybe these tears would end
And I could sleep
But I feel so empty
I've never felt this way before
I feel like I've lost my heart
And without it
I don't want to live
I don't want to do anything
Perhaps if I lie in bed
Sleep may come
But I don't deserve it
I don't deserve anything right now
I am an idiot
A wicked person
Who deserves nothing
I don't want forgiveness
I want you back
I want this hole inside gone
And I'm not sure
If I've done too much
Or if you even want me any more
I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here waiting
You aren't even awake
You don't even have any idea
How much inside I'm breaking
How much I wish I could take it all back
How I just want to lie next to you
And hear you say that we're okay
But I won't get that
I don't deserve that
I don't deserve you
I don't deserve anything anymore
Apparently
I've done irreparable damage
And I can't fix it
I don't know how
I wish you were there
I want you to know
That you have my heart
You are my heart
And I don't want to lose you
Even though
I think I already have.
The tears won't stop
They won't stop for anything
I can't close my eyes
All I see is pain
All I see is the empty bed
That is next to me
And wonder if you will
Ever want to occupy it again with me
What can I do but sit here
And wait to hear from you
But I'm so broken
That I don't know
What to do right now
I'm so broken,
My heart is shattered into pieces
And it's all my fault.

I Need You Because I'm Scared

I love so deeply
Part of me is scared how much
I've never delved this deep before
Never felt this way before
Something scares me
It's just around the corner
I don't know what to do
I know what I want
To feel safe
And to be one forever.
It seems so far away
And yet so close
I know who I am
But this is all new to me
And confusing me
My heart is so ready
But my head rationalizes too much
I feel broken
I want to be fixed
I don't know how though
What will make this right?
What will make me right again?

I miss you so much
You have no idea
What it's been like since you're not here
I can't seem to find the words
To tell you what I want to say
Can't find the moment
To tell you how much
That I want you to be there
Walking beside me
Telling me that I'm doing the right thing
You always seemed to know
But I don't know what to do anymore
I'm not right
You're missing
And I can't replace the hole you left
Perhaps I've tried too hard.

And now this time comes
When I need your arm the most
To give me away to the one I love
And you aren't here to do so
Something about that
Isn't right to me
Because I feel unsteady
I've always been able to walk
On my own two feet
But I feel as though
There is no one to lean on
Besides the one whom I will spend my life
And I can't depend all on him
Please,
Where are you?
I need you now more than ever
Not just your face
Smiling in my memory.
Please show me how to feel
Better than I am right now
Because I'm scared
For far too many reasons.

A Writers Soul

Writing is part of who I am
It is engraved upon my heart
Like words on a tomb
Etched upon my soul
In ways that can never be erased.
I am a slave to the words
My heart is controlled
By every stroke of the pen
And I do not wish to contain it
Even if I tried,
I wouldn't be able to.
This deep seated part of my soul
Yearns to come out into the light
And beam like rays of sunlight
It is my light in the darkest hours
And the joy
That allows me to soar up high.
To be what I am
Is nothing more than natural
The words are natural
The words are part of who I am
And my soul bears all
Through each letter I share.

To Write & Express...and Lacking Words

There is this uncontrollable urge
Welling within me and compelling me
To write the word upon my heart
Though I feel as though I have none
To sort through all the emotions
All the questions and searching
That lie deep within me
I don't have the words to write
What I need to express outwardly
To put on paper the things
I wish to say aloud
For I am not even sure
That I know them myself.
But seized by this passion
I am at a loss to disobey the commands
That is demands of my mind
Perhaps if only I let my heart connect
And all these feelings break free
I could write the same words
Etched upon my heart and soul
But even so,
I cannot seem to write them
Though everything inside me
Yearns to do so