Stepping Forward Yet Looking Backward

I’ve never been scared of being on my own

I’ve been my own since I was young

The lonely pillar when nothing else was around

In myself I find refuge

While this may seem unhealthy

It’s the way it’s been for a long time

To have to depend on someone else

To share with someone else is new to me.

I’m not a selfish person

I never have been and will never be

But I am guarded and cautious

Over letting people inside me

I’m scared of being hurt again

Of hurting like I never have before.

I guess that’s just the way it goes

It comes with the territory.

To break away from what has been

To what is to come doesn’t come easy

One foot in front of the other

Has never been so hard for me

I look back on where I came from

To where I’m heading to

And everything is changing

Everything is new and different

I wonder how to make the break from

The self-reliant place I once was in

To a place of sharing and dependency.

It may seem like a simple step

Like the easy choice,

For who would want to not make it

But part of me is scared and confused

Another part of me is cautious

More of me wants to go though

But I still can’t decipher what the right choice is

Even though I’m moving forward

I feel as though I’m looking backwards.