The Words Will be There

I don't have words
To tell a blind man
The beauty of a sunset
Over the ocean
All glowing
With pink and orange light
Nor do I have the words
To explain to a weary warrior
The simple joys of love
And life that comes
From throwing down arms
To embrace the peace within.
There are not always word
There is not always a way
To explain the truth
Or the things upon your heart
But there are words
That can uplift and describe
The way life should be
The way that peace should feel
And one day, when needed most
There will be words
For everything
That must be said.

Pain

So tired of fighting
Exhausted of bearing
Each moment with a smile
When my body is screaming
I don't know what to do
Sick of the stabbing
The aching, the burning
Constant waves of pain
Washing down my body
Like hell fire.
Is it too much to ask
To just be able to walk
To be able to sleep
Just be able to live
To just be able to be
Free of this pain?
It brings darkness
Quick temper and shortness
Wears down every nicety...
Wears me down to nothing
I just want to be free.

I Would

If I could bring sunshine to your day
With one simple word or action,
I would do so in a moment.
If I could take your pain
Hold it as my own and save you from it
I would bear it as gladly as a crown.
All your worries and sorrows
I would take upon my own heart
And leave your shoulders bare and light
If I knew it would make you happy.
I would go to the ends of the earth
To assure all your needs are met
I would do all these things for you
Without a second thought.

Void

when you're not near
It feels as though my strength wanes
As if my soul has been ripped in half
And it won't repair until you're here again.
I find myself longing uncontrollably
Just for the touch of your hand and skin
To be near the welcoming warmth of your body
And encompass myself in your arms.
I can't begin to tell you
Just how incomplete I am without you
How much you are a part of my heart
How dependent I am upon you
In more ways than I could ever understand.
Having you away makes the nights long and empty
I'm unable to fill the void left behind
I'm just starting to comprehend
The way that my heart beats in sync with yours.
I cannot wait until you're here again
And the air becomes breathable
The nights become restful again
And this void is filled
Any my world complete once again.

Sweet Lullaby

The desire to lay next to you
With your arms wrapped around me
And holding me close
Overwhelms me right now
To feel the breath in your chest
Rise and fall against my bare back
Knowing that here I am safe and wanted
With eyes slowly closing
And all within me relaxed and soothed
By the mere comfort of your presence
In your arms is where I want to be.
I want to place my hand on your chest
Feel your heart beat beneath my palm
And run my fingers through your chest hair
I want to look into your eyes
As they close and you drift off to sleep
To know that everything is right
And that this is the only place in the world
Where I could ever want to be
And let my eyes close softly
And join you in our sweet sleepy lullaby.

Birthday Wishes for my Father

It's your birthday again
I can't help but wonder
How we would have celebrated this year
You were never a fan of gifts
But spending the day with you
Was all I ever wanted to do
It's still what I want to do now.
Do you age in heaven?
I suppose perhaps that's an earthly thing
I guess I won't understand
Until I see your face again
Know that I still celebrate
Your life in my heart
Because without your life
I wouldn't have my own.
So here's to you
The man who was my first love
And always will be
The one who taught me laughter and love
To the man who reminded me how to live
Happy birthday
To my beloved father
Whom I love and miss
With all of my heart.

Dependent

I feel as though missing you
With all that is within me
Makes me dependent on you
I've never needed anyone before
Never even needed anything this bad
But something about you
Is what draws me in
And in every way
Distance proves to me
That you are my other half
And how can I live
With half of my heart missing?
I guess that does make me
Dependent upon you
In more ways then I wish to be
Perhaps this is what love
Has been teaching me all along,
That I need others
That I need you most of all.

Losing My Muse

Without you here I feel as though
My inspiration has faded and gone with you
Words don't come as easily to me
There's a panging in my heart
That doesn't seem to be quelled
In the emptiness of night
When I need you most.
My words don't flow
To say what I need
I feel as though
They don't exist without you
Losing my muse
Is like losing my pen

To Write & Express...and Lacking Words

There is this uncontrollable urge
Welling within me and compelling me
To write the word upon my heart
Though I feel as though I have none
To sort through all the emotions
All the questions and searching
That lie deep within me
I don't have the words to write
What I need to express outwardly
To put on paper the things
I wish to say aloud
For I am not even sure
That I know them myself.
But seized by this passion
I am at a loss to disobey the commands
That is demands of my mind
Perhaps if only I let my heart connect
And all these feelings break free
I could write the same words
Etched upon my heart and soul
But even so,
I cannot seem to write them
Though everything inside me
Yearns to do so

Dear Sleep

Sometimes you evade me
Like a friend who only comes when in need
You make me anxious when you're lacking
And I find myself chasing after you
As if you are a lost love.
Please come visit me
In the darkness of night
Like a welcome vistor
And don't avoid me like you do.
I need you more than I know
More than most things in the world
I know you're around the corner
If only I could capture you
Write you a love letter
To make you stay and be here
When I need you most...
Dear sleep,
Please hasten your arrival.

Shower

Standing in the shower

Letting the warm water 

Run over my body

Just a few minutes more

Imagining it's your warmth

Against my skin

Holding me close

Covering me like a safety net.

If I can delude myself

For just a few moments

Of the emptiness of this place

Without you here

I'll take it.

In my mind

I can smell your

Freshly showered skin

As I step from my own shower

Half expecting to see you

Towelling off too

As I enter our bedroom

I can almost smell your soap

In the moist air around me

And it makes me feel home again.

Thinking of all the small moments

That I love to share with you

Cuts the loneliness just enough

So that I can bare the empty space

Until I can return to your arms.

Where I Belong

Laying with your arms around me
Holding me close to your chest
Smelling you skin
Listening to your heartbeat
Feeling the heat of your body
Radiate with mine
And feeling content and safe,
This is where I belong.
Knowing that your heart beats
To the rhythm of mine
And the same love flows from it
Reminds me that this is my place
Right by your side, in your arms
This is where I belong
I never want to leave this place
To ever lose this moment
Knowing that this is home to me
Where you are
Is where I always want to be
In this bed
In this moment
In your arms
I am home
Where I belong.

Knowing Good-Bye is Coming

I laid there in your arms
Hot tears streaming down my face
As it hit me
I know good-bye is coming
Not right now but soon
Each moment brings it closer
And I don't want this to end
But I know that it has to.
I couldn't lay any longer
Knowing that I couldn't
Hide the tears much longer
I heard for fall asleep
And stood watching in the door
Listening to the sound of your breathing
The soft snore that lulls me to sleep
And smiled even though
I knew it was just a moment
And I wouldn't have it again
For what seems like an eternity.
Knowing that good-bye is coming
Is the hardest part of you leaving
And the good-bye makes my heart sink
But I know hello
Is just around the corner.

Words

Words are dangerous
They produce thought
They can culminate keen desires
And make them seem more real
Words form thoughts
Thoughts can form actions
Be careful of your words
You can never take them back
You never know where they
Are going to lead you
You never know what door
They may in fact open.
Be careful what you say
Be careful what you think
Straying takes only a moment
Only a thought
And only one movement
To take them to a place
You never wanted them to go.

Crossroads

I’m coming to a place of crossroads

Of decisions that I’m not sure

I ever thought I’d make

This place of choosing catches me off guard

But I will not back down to its challenge.

I cannot go forward

Backwards isn’t an option

Until I make this choice

To do what needs to be done.

The choice between letting go

And speaking my mind

To be open and honest

Versus hiding behind a visage

I have to make this choice

Not for anyone other than myself.

What's Broken?

Where are we?
I just don't know right now
I feel as though you're hiding
Your heart and feelings from me
What is it?
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Everything I tell you
You accuse me of hiding
But here I am
Trying to share
Trying to be open
But I feel locked out
Of your world
I feel like something is broken
And I don't know what it is...

Talk to Me

Trying to feel my way towards you

But your heart seems turned away and cold

Your eyes are distracted

I don’t have your attention

How can I listen and be here

If you won’t talk to me?

Do you know if you’re coming or going

Is there such a weight on your shoulders

That you cannot share with me

In this life that we have?

Are you so distracted that it doesn’t matter?

I don’t know what I can do

To tell you I am here

You always remind me to speak and share

Now I say the turn is yours

Communication goes both ways…

Talk to me

Banish the Night

Sins of the past come to haunt me
Beguiling my senses and thwarting my dreams
I will not let the darkness they bring
Overcast itself above my happiness.
They are not my sins
But they are what I fear the most
Lingering in a dark corner
It's time they were banished
From the shadows of my thoughts.
Breaking free will never be so sweet
As the day dawns when I release myself
From these cancers of the heart
In fact, I know in the depths of me
That the wounds are already healing.

Work In Progress

A work in progress
That is what I am
It is what my life is
I don't want what I'm working through
Be like moving mountains for you
I am giving it my all
Giving you my all
As best I can and know how
Know that
My heart and head
Sometimes fall in conflict with one another
But that doesn't mean my love waivers
Or my trust or intentions
I just am working through this
Because I am a work in progress.

Moving On

I require the peace to move on
The pace in which to do so quickly
The ability to let go fluently
This is what I struggle with
It is my world and I am Atlas.
I'm willing to change
To let this burden fall
I need to move
This is my fault
My burden to bear
Something more than myself
Weighing heavily on my shoulders
But I will move on
I am the only person to take that step
Perhaps I can find a Hercules
To take my burden
And hold it for eternity
Moving on and letting go
It's what I plan to do
I have to
I must
I will...

Imperfect

I am imperfect
That I know for sure
Sincerely within me
But it's okay
Because that's how we all are
Nothing is perfect or set in stone
We all make mistakes
We all feel a bit insecure
I let myself slip today
Let emotions without basis
Get the better part of my judgement
And for that I despise myself
But it's over now
And I have to move on,
Moving on is all I can do
And to be accepted and loved
For who I am regardless
Is a beautiful thing

In The Mirror

Looking in the mirror
Constantly seeing what I lack
Seeing the insecurities staring back at me
Like the hollowness that is inside
I don't see what I should
I wish that I saw who I am
What I feel inside
Who I believe myself to be
But I am no better than the next woman
My reflection tells me so
It lies like thunder without rain
I hope that it changes
I know that it must
This is my problem
Seeing everything I'm not
In the mirror
Rather than myself for who I truly am.

What's Missing?

What is this yearning inside of me?
A deep need to feel noticed
To feel like I'm loved again
And a part of something...
I know what I have but part of me
Just seems to crave more and more
I'm blessed to have what I do
Because so many don't have it
And never will
But why do I feel like
Something is missing
And that I need more?
Is it a deep craving within me?
Perhaps I'm just not meeting
My own ever too high expectations...

Time

Clock ticking...
       Time passing,
Ever
 so
   slowly
I do not wish it away
But it's happening
With each
   tick
     tick
       tick
of the second hand...

Shattered Soul, Hidden Beauty

If I told you that you were beautiful

The words would fall on deaf ears

I know that deep inside you know there’s worth

That there is more than what you see

When you look into that mirror

But what I say doesn’t really matter

Because it is what your heart tells you

That will always be the truth to you.

Within you wells so much love for others

But I beg you to show yourself some kindness

And let this love be applied to yourself

You give and give for others

Until there is nothing left

I fear that you will be fragmented

Like a broken mirror

Shards of the angel that you truly are.

Learn to hold your head high

Look past the scars and pain

Find the moment in which it hurts

And embrace it and the fear that it comes with

You are seconds from defeating it

Seeing through the darkness

Which closes in around you

But this is something you must do

Something that only you can do

You must just believe in yourself.

I do not have words that can heal your void

Or make the world right again

But I know the one who does: you.

Only you can do this

But remember that you aren’t alone.

You will never be alone

Regardless of what you think

And forever, I will hold you as high as I can

Just let me in from the darkness you think

That you are saving me from

Because I promise you

I’ve seen darker places than you’ll ever know.

I do not fear for you

Because I know what you can do

I know who you really are

Don’t ever forget that

You may be able to hide

But I know the true face behind the mask

And it is more beautiful

Than anyone can ever know.

Be strong, you have more strength than you admit

You can do anything you wish

Just remember to fly

I will always be here to catch you, should you fall.

All I Can

I will do anything within my power to help

All that I am is at your disposal

I hope that you know how loyal my heart is

I want to do all I can to pull you through

Whether you need my hand or my ear

I will always be here and find a way

I cannot be more than I am

I know that you know that too

But is my heart’s desire to make this

Hard time just roll through easily

Or as easily as I can help it be

Let me ease your mind and your load

I will do what I can

I know there are things that I can’t do

Problems that I cannot solve or help with

But I will be here to do my part

And ease what I can

Know that always.

Share the Load

Let me ease your burden
Lighten the load that you carry
Spread it on my shoulders too
Because I will always be walking with you
You don't have to carry this
All by yourself
I know that you are weary
So share the load with me
If you can
I know there are things
I cannot help you carry
But I can always carry you
When you're too tired
To feel like going on
I will always be there
To help shoulder
Whatever burden you bear.

Forever I am Yours

Understand the day I give you my hand
Is the the day I promise forever
And to you in all ways, I am yours
I have resigned and entrusted
All that I am to your keeping
Knowing that you will hold me safe.
It is not without thought
But with joy and honor that I come
Bearing to you all that is within me
Know that this is it
And that forever I am yours
In my heart, I have no second thoughts
There is no regret or worry
About what might happen in the days to come
Fort this day, that falls upon us quickly
Is the day I've been waiting for
All of my life
And you are the only one
I could ever give myself to
I was just waiting for you to ask.

Not Always Words

Beneath the layer of letters and syllables
Of the words I write
There is emotion
Deep seated emotion that only
Knows one means of confession
Though words are powerful
There are times when they fall,
Inadequate to express,
That which lies deep within me
But they are the only tool I know
And as such,
I utilize them as I can
To display all that wells within me
If they fall short
I cannot help the case
Because there are not always words
For everything within me.

In This Moment

In this moment
The world passes away
And our bodies move
Together as one
Each movement in perfect harmony
A perfect rythym all our own
You make me feel
Like the only woman in the world
And all I desire is you
I've never felt this way before
In this moment
I know I never could
With anyone but you
Looking into your eyes
Seeing the passion burn
The same reflecting in my own
Makes me realize
That there's nowhere else
I would rather be
Than in this moment
Here with you as one
And only you forever.

Breaking Free

I am putting too much on myself
Facing my own unrealistic expectations
Thinking I should be better
Thinking that I should be more than I am
I wish I didn't have them
I know that I am enough
My feelings of inadequacy are present again
I know why they came again
I will not let the control me
Just as I won't let the posion seep through
I'm starting to change
Beginning to see myself for who I am
Not who I've been told that I was
I have to remember my worth
I have to know who I am again
I'm just starting to do that
Cutting out the bad and finding what remains
Breaking away from you
Is the healthiest thing for me to do
You're a cancer in my life
And I've finally got the way to cut you out
I am better than who you think
I am more than who you said
You can't control what I think anymore
And you never will again.

Running Away

I don’t feel like I’m running away

But I’ve got to leave this place

Turn and leave the memories behind

Leave the hurt and pain behind

Take my time and begin again

Somewhere I can be free

Free of everything that ties me down

And away from all the past.

I don’t need to run away

But I feel like it’s the only choice

The only way I’ll ever be free

The only way that I can see

I wish that these roads

Didn’t feel like my cage

I want to move on

And leave this place in the dust

Perhaps I’m running away

And yet, I’m not.

Jealousy

Jealousy

An emotion that’s so new to me

It’s irrational and doesn’t make sense

I have no idea why it’s there

But it has been

And I’ve got to let it go

Let go of a threatened feeling

Why I feel it

I have no clue but I do none-the-less

I know there is nothing there

To be threatened by

I know that it’s stupid on my part

For some reason my heart plays tricks

The one thing I want the most

Is the one thing I will always have

And nothing will ever change that

As far as I can see

So it’s time to move on

Move on from all the stupidity

Because as it is said

‘Love does not envy’

And I believe in love above all things

So there will be no more here

Though I fear I must apologize

For things I never said

I will leave it be

Things can't be this way

And I know that they shouldn't be

I'm bigger than that

Better than that

I have to get over it

Crazy

Sometimes I think I'm a little bit crazy
But don't you have to be
In order to deal with this life
Perhaps I'm just a touch insane
But I guess that's alright
I could be worse off than I am now
Maybe I'm just normal
Seeing myself through jaded eyes
Looking through emotions
That don't make any sense
More than likely this is the case
I won't think I'm crazy if I'm not
But I do know one thing
I'm not that crazy
But I'm crazy about you...
Looking through those jaded eyes
Seeing what they want me to
I've found something better
I know that I'm better
And I don't have to think I'm crazy
Because it surely isn't true...

Reise

When the road seems barren

And the sun fails to break through

Leaves of overgrown trees that hide the sky

From your longing eyes

Do not fret for this is only a small portion

Of the journey in which you are to take.

As a child you learned to walk

With one foot in front of the other

Nothing has changed since then

The only thing different is time

Time has made you weary

Heartache has made you angry

But one step at time

You can break free of these

Vines and brambles that ensnare your feet.

It is not the strength that counts

But the endurance that lies within you

Deep within, even when you cannot see it

It waits patiently to pull you through

Just when you think that you cannot.

The time to move is now

Break free of the shadowed place

And step out into the sunlight

Feeling its healing rays

Shine down on your soul once again.

All of this courage, motivation, endurance

Lies within you and is strong

And even when you cannot see it

My hand will always be there

To pick you up and help you go on

Whatever the road may bring.

What I know

There is so much you can't see
From the outside looking in
What I know is that
What you think you see
Is only a scratch of the surface
And there's so much more
Because you can never understand
What you don't have
I've come to a place of contentment
And what I know
Is that it doesn't matter
What anyone else thinks on the outside
What we have is more than that
There's more to this.
What I know
Is that it no longer matters
What outside factors there are
Because together and as one
We can handle it
We are strong in our love
In our choices, in our plan for forever
What outside things happen
Will never change what is within
And what I know
Is that this is forever
And it will weather anything
That life can throw at us.

Left Hand

I look at my left hand
And I see a question
And an answer.
I see a promise of forever
Of love and hope
Never being alone again
I don't see freedom fleeting
Nor uncertainty lying ahead
I see a bright future
That will be made by two
Rather than just by one.