For @webkenny

When my mind turns
To thoughts of you
Me heart smiles.
To enjoy a few moments
By your side
Is worth more to me
Than a hundred diamonds,
Because those moment
Though however few they may be,
Are the sweetest moments of my day.
I would trade a thousand days
To wake up one morning
Inside your arms.

Who you are
Makes my heart wish so
And everything within me
Wants to be with you always
Whether you are sleeping
Or awake where I can see your smile.
To be with you
Is the greatest honor I have
To love you
Is my greatest privilege
And to be a part of your world
Is a dream come true---

My Song

My song is one of sorrow
Of heartache and loss
With deep notes of pain.

My song is one of love
Of romance and pleasure
With perfect echoes of harmony.

My song is one of change
Of twists and turns
With silences and peaks.

My song is one of anger
Of rages and passions
With sharp chords of fury.

My song is one of joy
Of highs and melodies
With lyrics filled with harmony.

My song is one of my own
Of my own voice and heart
With the window into my soul.

Waking Up With You

There is no place
That I would rather be
When the sun comes up
Then next to you
Listening to you breathe softly
Hearing your heartbeat
As I move closer.
To hold my body
Close to yours
Beneath the sheets
Generating comforting warmth.
Slipping in and out of sleep
Only to find you’re still there
Next to me
Sleeping away peacefully
And I’m in my own
Little piece of heaven.

For @Anokas13

When you walk
Be careful where you trod
Watch your feet
Hold your head up high.
Ignore the buzz of problems
Dismiss the wind of despair
Keep on your path
Slow and steady, step by step,
You'll reach the peak of your mountain
Before you know it.
Though the trees above
May blot out the sunlight
And bring your spirits down
Notice how the leaves are not perfect
They let light filter through
To guide you on your way.
Though there seems to be silence
Listen closer -
Hear the birds sing
And the crickets chirp
Along with the rustle of the fox
Each one, reminding you,
That you are not alone.
The path is rough
Full of rocks, steep slopes
No one said the climb through the woods
Would be easy
But every step is worth it
Every ounce of energy a victory
This is your battle,
This is your struggle
Know the goal is high
But the reward is sweet
Like climbing a peak to see
The sun set over the world.

---------

Written just for @Anokas13

Life, spring...change?

With every step
A quiet victory
And with each breath
A simple definace.
Treading onward
Ignoring the fatality
Ignoring the futility
Dancing all the same
Regardless of the mist
Chasing our hearts
Robbing our flesh
Killing us slowly.
The dance is what matters
It's always what mattered
Some people only live to die
But others live to dance...

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” - Abraham Lincoln

If I have learned anything in the past 3 months it is that nothing is permanent and you never know what is around the corner. If you had told me 3 years ago that my father was going to die from cancer, I would probably have laughed at you. It's amazing how perspective changes so quickly and so greatly. I've been thinking about the above quote a lot lately. I don't know exactly why but I know it has a lot to do with a corner that I am turning soon.
I'm am actually looking forward to my 24th birthday here in a little bit. I think that it will be a good year, a year of healing and a year of new beginnings. I am trying to consider it my spring.

Untitled Lament

When the song
Is drowned out by sorrow
And the pain
Screams louder than reason
I find myself searching
Searching for that haven
Where rest comes easy
And sleep comes swiftly
Upon the wings of dragonflies
And the echoes of the wind.
When it aches
When it seems though
I can take no more,
I search, search for refuge
From the internal storm
In the starry sky
And the passing cloud
But each moment is fleeting
Passing into darkness
And restating the anguish.
I find no solace for
More than a moment
If each day should get better
Why does my heart break so?
Could I not find peace
In one breath of air
Or flying bird?
Alas my grief does covet
All my energy and attention
Though I know not how to weep.

Miss You

Waking up reaching
No one is there
Just cold empty sheets
Another dream
Another night alone
I miss you
I search for your scent
On my sheets and pillows
But I can’t find it
It’s faded away
I search for a part you left behind
But there isn’t anything
Except for me.
Something’s missing
The space in between
The morning snuggle
The welcoming warmth
It’s not right
Nothing’s right
When I have to start the day
Without you beside me…

Untitled Journey Poem

And if all the splendid were to fall
Upon the downtrodden earth
Would not it be wasted in everyday life?
Would it not become a part of complacency?
Taken for granted on the paths we walk
Perhaps this is why suffering exists in such great magnitude
So that we are reminded
Nay, privileged when the splendid comes our way.

No one promised us ease on our journey
No one said the water would not be bitter
But the journey, not the path is the goal
That is perfectly attainable
If we wade through the swamps of suffering
To the small patches of splendid
Our feet will dry quickly in the sun
As long as we remember not to get bogged down
In the depths of our pain and troubles.

If our trials are like briars that scratch and braise the skin
We must remember that like nature time heals our skin
Light from within can warm like the sun
As long as we remember to keep it vibrant at all times
We must look for the sun through the rain
Shield ourselves from the wind to hold firm
But more than that, we must keep moving
Only mosquitoes can thrive in stagnant water.

Untitled...

Being away from you brings darkness
But the love I hold for you in my heart
Shines a path for my feet
And that path always leads me back to you.

Sometimes I think you are my moon
And I am the ocean
Your rise and fall controls my ebb and flow
You are the perfect half to my equation.

Balancing Together

To all your motivation
I will be your perseverance
To your confidence
I will be the silent strength

To my silent ways
You will be my voice
To my patience
You will be the spur of action.

Together we can face life
Hand in hand
Using one other’s strengths
To carry through anything.

I Love You

You are all I need
Everything I could ever want
You aren’t perfect
Who is?
I’m certainly not
But I don’t expect you to be
You’re perfect for me.

Until my last breath
I will love you
With all that is within me
I make no promises
That I don’t plan on keeping
You make me better
You make me whole
I hope you feel the same.

Fearful

I’m scared
But I can’t let it control me
If it is, it is
But it will break me
Are you looking at me
Or in the rearview mirror?
Will the focus change
When you see what you left behind?
I’m sure it’s childish
I’m sure I’m wrong
But I can’t help but think
What will happen when or if
She is right in front of you
Will you follow again?
Time only tells…

Love Dancing

Ups and downs, twists and turns,
Are we in some kind of dance?
Swaying here with you, my partner
Along this road of our journey
That serves as our dance floor
I can’t help but note different steps
Sometimes we’re in sync
Other times we dance differently
But we never let go
Our bodies may drift apart
But we never let go
We’re always holding on
To one another
It’s the only way we can keep
Our balance while we dance together.

Struggling to Move

I'm stuck
Between missing you
And wanting to move on
To cherish the memories
Without living in the past
To think about the future
Without forgetting your face.

I don't know how
To move from where I am
I wish you were here to guide me
I wish you could tell me
one more time
That you love me
To hear you laugh
Or to see you smile again...

I don't want to forget
But I'm scared
That if I move on
I might.
So I'm fighting where I am
Between pain and promise
Knowing what I have to do
Even if my heart doesn't want to.

Purpose of Tears

When my heart is heavy

And song comes naught

My soul bears its sorrow

Like a flaming iron.

Tears flow like streams

Of hot lava

O'er my burning cheeks

My pain becomes outward.

Are they meant to heal the soul

Or shame the face?

Do they burn to spite

Or purify the heart?

I know not which

I care not which

They flow regardless

Of their purpose.

A Child Again

My chest is heavy

I feel eleven again

But this time

There are no weekend visits

No birthday cards

No more recitals

For you to miss.

This pain is great

I search for your smile

But I can't find it

For your voice

But I can't hear it.

You're gone for good

I miss you more and more

There are no more calls

Or conversations

No more hugs

Or being there when I rebound.

How can I go on?

You were always there

To help me on my way.

Why Daddy?

Why Daddy?

Why did you leave me?

Why won't you be there

To walk me down the aisle?

Why won't you be there

To see me bear a child?

Where did you have to go

And why did you have to leave?

Why did God take you

And leave me alone?

I see you everywhere

In the snow

In the river

In the sunlight

But I can't hear you anymore---

Why Daddy

Did you have to die?

What purpose did it serve?

I know you're out of pain

But mine seems

More than I can bear---

Why Daddy?

Why can't I tell you

I love you

One more time

And hear you say it back?

Why only 23 years

Why not one more?

Why is all I feel left with

Is the pain...

Sleeping Without You

In the dark of night
When the silence speaks loudest
I search for you
The warm glow of your smile in my memory
Pacifies my heart and lulls me back to sleep
Even when I can’t curl up next to you
And count your heartbeats
Until I fall back to sleep.

Had I Words

Had I the words of Solomon
I would write you songs
Of my undying devotion
Praising your every features.
I would laud your every talent
And mourn your sadness
Rejoice in your pleasures
Bask in your laughter –
But I have naught this gift
To highlight all you are.

Could the words of Keats
Do you more justice?
Would his odes be more
Suitable to your honor
Your strength, integrity
Or would those words
Still fall short of capturing
The utter brilliance of you
Or the sweetness
That pours out of your soul?

Had I these words
Could I even use them correctly?
Would I be able to tell
That your eyes shine
Like polished onyx in the sun
Or that your smile glows
More brightly than that of a raging fire?
No, my words, I fear
Would not come close
But my love says it all.

Biblical Woman

I don’t want to be your Delilah
Your undoing point
Praying upon your weaknesses
Using you like a toy
For my own gain.

I don’t want to be your Jezebel
Corrupting your kingdom
Oozing cruelty like water
And changing the world
You have created.

I want to be your Ruth
Willing to lay at your feet
Ready to serve
And prepared to walk with you
On your chosen path.